I landed here on a google search. I really need support right now. My family was never blazingly mentally healthy. Our current situation is that my (86 yo) dad's in the nursing home and I live with my (84 yo) mom.

Mom and i had an argument last night. She's a great lady in how she's worked very hard to overcome her own past. She also leans towards very controlling, alpha female behavior, especially as of late. I have no control over my living space except to rearrange my own things and little acknowledgement of my adult status.

We started fighting because she ORDERED me to put away the buns. I had left them out for an hour. She was very sick the past several days, so I figured a controlling blow up was coming.

When she gets this way, she's very condescending. Her tone is deeply insulting..and it's usually something minor where, if she asked me like an equal, I'd do instantly. Instead, she becomes very imperious and she feels she has to direct me. (Even as I type it, I can see it for what it is. It doesn't feel that way when she does it. I feel small and stupid at the time, even if I know in my heart she just wants to feel in control.)

Anyway, on top of those "damn dailies", last night I realized how much my sister and her husband and my brother are removing from the house. Table saws, a mink coat, tool chests, a car, a camper, a small sailboat, a plane engine/propeller and plane build plan.. My mother has also told me my sister will receive my mother's wedding rings. She also mentioned my sister has starting hinting for my father's jig saw. My mother has also given my sister's son money for his education, but that may be different. My mom also mentioned a gold-plated pocket watch she gave my dad can't be found as well as my dad's really nice (now antique) swiss watch.

My brother's wife and kid used to just tromp through the upstairs where we bathe & sleep (and one time led 3 friends through with her) without even they owned the place.

(They actually were hitting Mom up for it at the time. I told Mom that federal law says that if she sells the house under cost, she and Dad will lose their MA & Medicare eligibility. I told my sister-in-law also. Suddenly, they stopped with the "...when I live here, this'll be my room" comments.)

For me, I don't care about stuff, stuff, stuff. ..which is good, because neither Mom or Dad are offering. I'm watching my siblings clean the valuables out and only Mom has offered a momento of her; her sewing stuff. It just hurts because I feel so left out. I partially understand underneath, but I still feel like such an outsider in my own family.

Last October, my father (who has dementia) accused me of stealing all types of stuff. His accusations had gotten so heavy that my brother made a list and went through all the stuff I had "stolen" ...and found every last piece that was supposedly stolen by me.

It wouldn't matter to me whatever my (older) sibs get. It just hurts so much that I won't have a momento of Dad, that I'm left out, especially when I've tried to be there so much.

Additionally, my sister can be very controlling and belittling also. On Thanksgiving, my dog became overwhelmed and snapped at my grand-nephew. My sister flew into a tirade at me about it. When I picked up my dog and tried to get away from her, she started saying stuff about how vicious I was, like I was an animal that needed to be put down. I finally just said "I'm tired of you bossing me around" and walked out. She kept going on and on to everyone about how vicious I was. I stand up to her and Mom and state what I don't like and what I need them to stop doing.

However, is it more that if she runs me out of Mom's life, she can then be in Mom's ear full time? If my siblings ARE taking advantage, my presence here cuts it off. I AM beginning to believe my mother would prefer my brother here and would prefer I left. My brother can fix things and can lift my dad, whereas I can't lift Dad out of bed. In other words, my brother can be used by my parents in a different way so that my parents' needs are met to their satisfaction. :-? I just help and give them money when I can. However, my brother comes with an alpha female wife and my mom is afraid of losing queen status to her. That's my mom's problem, though.

So...the blow up last night..I had put in a 60 hour week and I was exhausted from lack of sleep. I had just taken her to the ER the day before and had taken her on errands last night as well. It's all been building and I know I need to leave. Mom and Dad made this situation decades ago. They can fix it also.

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Sorry I just reread this & I meant to say at the start my younger sister took advantage if the situation & got my Dad in this mess.
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You have been the Good Daughter. It is hard to see others take advantage of those we love no wonder what the relation is. You can pick your friends but not your family. I have my 84 yr old Dad living with us. After my Mom died 9 yrs ago she not only cleaned his house out & sold many of his things, she fixed him up with her MIL & Dad married ber. They were married 8 yrs (a record for her) & we just found out she has 9 Divorces. He is getting a Divorce & I am involved in figuring out his business which he thought his wife was tsking care of but she was just ripping him off. What a mess. He is happy here & feels safe. He is so sweet & appreciative. After he got married he had a stroke, a heart valve replaced & encephalitus. 3 long hospitalizations. He is on 8 medications & I can't believe he was getting his meds right but now he is. He wasn't eating well either. He got his breakfast & lunch & once in a while she gave him dinner. She left him alone twice recently & I am sure she thought he'd die. He doesn't get around very well & if he had fallen he would have died. He was alone Thanksgiving & I took him dinner the next day. He finally woke up & left a few days after that with a few clothes & meds. She wants a dissolution but he filed for a Divorce. I hope they laugh her out of court except she had him sign over her house(he put $$$ in many improvements & the 2010 car is in her name. They also have rev. Trust the atty is working on getting rid of. She is an ugly creature whis a pro & he was just too vulnerable & nice. Santa brought me my Dad for Christmas with baggage but the wrong kind. I hope you get some sleep & peace in the New Year. I feel your pain, You are a wonderful person.
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