Why would evil siblings and evil husband turn their backs on you when you're taking care of your parent and not help?

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Have ten sibl. Mom have 3daughter that stay closer to her than I do but I have to go over mom everyday to give her her meds cook for her bath her and everything else have a bro that helps sometimes.Mom can't be left alone daughter had to move in with her so she wouldn't be alone at night. Mom had a stroke about six years ago some siblings wanted to pull he plug on her mom always said you can't give life so you shouldn't try to take it I agree with that. If they do come to visit said if they just sit and watch me help her in the bathroom, cook clean and everything else. They just sit and look. I've ask them repeated for help they make excuse as to why they can't like they have problems with their backs or they're tired but they be everywhere don't doing everything they want o do my husband is very friendly with some of the boys so he's not my support he told me once if I had agreed to pull the plug then I wouldn't be going through what I'm going through now. How can people not love especially their mother. She was there for me when I was young so I'm here for her now ,because she can't do things for herself except feed herself I just son understand and it hurt so much and they act like they don't understand why I don't talk to them.I don't hate them but to me I don't have a family except my five kids and my youngest is only five and I can't spend much time with her as I use to.I use to go to her school a lot. Can't go too many places now unless my daughter is with mom. All my so call Sib kids are grown. My youngest goes over to gran on weekends and help out with mom.she asked me once why I have to go over there all the time and the other don't help me.she's five and understand but my so call husband act as if he don't. What do you tell a five year old.I lay awake at night and cry and pray.some days I cry and pray.people tells me I'm going to be blessed as long as I have my mom here on earth I'm already blessed it hurts but I'm glad I found this site it helps to know I'm not alone. But I still don't understand why they won't help. I'm 48 and mom is almost 90 I'm also the youngest. It's sad mom took care of us and sacrificed for us by herself. Thank you.........lost

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Thank you mimij319 for those encouraging words.u seem to truly understand what I'm saying.god bless you
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I understand exactly what you are going through. I am in the same situation with my siblings. My husband too has a mom that his sister takes care of due to disabilities, he understands my situation and is supportive. My siblings on the other hand are not supportive. My mom lives with one of my siblings who does not offer much support. Any and everything that needs to be done for mom waits until I arrive; even something simple as opening the mail, opening a bottle of mouth wash, or making doctor appointments.

The only thing I can tell you is what I have been telling myself...when it's all said and done, I will be told, "Well done my good and faithful servant." Do it for God, do it for yourself and forget about the rest. Pray for God to give you strength and keep on keeping on.

They too have to get old one day.
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ssassy, if a lot of bullying went on at your children's school, I can understand that you might want to change schools, but it wouldn't make sense to just stop having your kids go to school. If you've had a bad experience with a nursing home, don't go back to that one, but find a better one for Mama. The one my mother is at is very caring.

It may be your religion that family care for their elders. But the rest of your family is apparently not following that particular tenet, nor can you make them. Most religions put your responsibility toward your children ahead of other earthly relationship. Does yours?

Stop hoping your siblings are going to change. Whether they are "evil" or just have different beliefs I wouldn't want to get into, but you are like an only child when it comes to care of your mama. You cannot to everything alone. Your mama deserves more help than a single person can provide. I think that you would be doing the most good by finding a GOOD nursing home where there are three shifts of caring people, and where you and your children can visit often as a loving daughter and grandchildren.

Do you have a belief that the Lord helps those who help themselves? Take a helping step to get more professional help for Mama.
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P.s I never said my kids are evil I said my mom kids are evil my kids are Angel I wouldn't be able to do as much as I do without them and I thank god for them
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Mama have already been in a nursing home and they was abusing her there.my husband is an evil person because I can't talk to him about things that's going on where his mom was sick I was there for him.mom have 9 other children and they refuse to do anything for her.she didn't put her mom in a nursing home she took care of hers. before mom got sick my husband wasn't much of a husband or father to his kids.some of my Sib wanted to pull the plug on mom when she was in the hospital.I wasn't raised like that I know everybody have their own religion but I wasn't raised like that I was raised a family is supposed to be there in time of need and if a person have 10 children and most don't work then they suppose to help take care of their parents because that's what our parents did for us.
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You are not "pulling the plug" by placing her in a nursing home. You are getting her the care of three shifts of nurses and aides.
If she needed to go to a hospital, you would take her and not feel guilty.
She needs a nursing home. Take her and visit her once a week, and tell the other nine siblings to do the same, assign a day to each one. Share the burden and live your life. You are approaching menopause, and need a break.
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Tell your sibs how you feel and enlist their help. Give everyone a schedule and make sure everyone sticks to it or finds a substitute.

Can you afford some in home care services for mom a few hrs a week?

These are just options, but you do need to put your family first. Kids and hubby aren't evil because they want your time. I'm sorry, but they come first. If mom can't afford in home care, services, then it's time to move her to AL or other care facility. Her care needs will only escalate and with or without siblings, you may not be in a position or be able to meet those needs because of family obligations. SO stop beating yourself up.
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You are a very caring daughter; however, your first responsibility is to your own family. Those children need a full time Mom. You have too much to take care of and need to call social services for an evaluation of what help your Mom is eligible for at this time. Has her doctor recommended she be in a nursing home or that hospice to be call in yet?

Sometimes the quality of life is much more important than quantity. My family knows if it gets to the point that I would not be able to care for myself and enjoy life then let them pull the plug. I think most people would feel the same. Please don't keep me around to have people just stare at me and say "poor thing"...I am not an entertainment feature.

I know this all sounds harsh but lots of people are just not caregivers. They have their own health issues, find it emotionally difficult or so much to take care with their own families and job, there is just not enough time or energy. The well-being of our own families and husbands have to come first.

Perhaps your siblings could pitch in to hire help, if Mom is not eligible for free services, and let you get back to your children. You could visit Mom as a loving daughter and not be full time caregiver.
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