My brothers want to take me to court for stealing from mom who offered to help pay bills. Do they have a leg to stand on?

Emilie I love your comments, my Mom was the same way. She used to fold laundry for me, unload groceries, fill bowls with candy for halloween, or anything just to feel useful. She can no longer do anything either but I agree with your philosophies. Now that my Moms in late stage dementia/alz I can thank her for doing the laundry and she give me a huge smile, no she didnt do it, but she thinks she did. After I bathe her and put her in her wheelchair to sit beside the shower while I shower, I put my towel on her lap. When I am done I say "Thanks So Much for holding my Towel". omg she loves it! haha Gotta love them!

The human side to this for me is that Your Mother needs to be needed. My mother I know for a fact has to feel needed and feel like she is not a burden to us. She can not do her housework, cook her meals, do he laundry, bath herself ect. She is of sound mind and it is a great burden to her to think that she is not able to do the smallest things for herself. Sometimes she will tell me, Emilie go to the bank get 100 dollars and take your family out to dinner. I always respond with a big smile and a big OH thank you Mom, how did you know I did not feel like cooking tonight. She laughs and say's well you just made a dinner here I knew you did not feel like going home and cooking one there :) She is not rich and neither am I, and she has helped her with many other things financially. When ever she gives me money she looks happier than I am about getting it. She always say's, it's not time for me to go home yet I'm still needed. When she broke her hip this last time in the hospital, she said to me. I am worried about you being left alone because your husband has cancer and dementia. I said to her, then you had better get better cause I do not want to be left alone here in Chilliwack. My siblings all live thousands of miles away. She got better and now although she is not very strong she is alive and she can eat by herself, she is starting to dress by herself and she can watch tv, and she can walk with her walker. What a woman :)

You need an attorney - look to find one that is CELA - certified elder law attorney.

Ditto what igloo says.

This is a good illustration of why family caregivers should have a personal care contract drawn up, spelling out some reasonable compensation for room and board and care, unless their are no other relatives and no chance of needing Medicaid down the road. Certainly Mom wants to do something to contribute to her expenses. Outsiders may have no idea of the situation or simply be greedy. Get it in writing, upfront!

At this point, please see an attorney who specializes in this kind of thing.

Ditto get an attorney. But your Mom is of sound mind and can do what she wants. Start keeping track of what you do and document what you can remember. You've also been a loving caring daughter and any judge would see it that way. I would take it seriously, but not worry about it too much.

You are going through EXACTLY what I am dealing with now with my sisters...I have mom here withm me since April 2010. Sisters are interested in her money ONLY. So I went to Couty Legal Services of Florida, and talked to an elder advocate. My story is on this forum. Can't locate now due to time constraints, but they are giving Mom an attorney to get this nonsense stopped. Your brothers need to STHU and go away. If all they care about is Money and don't care for mom they need to go away. It take authorities to make that happen. You can't reason with selfish people on your own.

Same thing happened to me. Dad helped us out with the bills and brother went ballistic and said we stole it all. They don't have a leg to stand on if you mom is of sound mind. The judge will see who has been taking care of your mom and who was the POA and should rule in your favor. Let them take you to court but use your mom's money for your defense so there is less of them to get their greedy hands on at the end. It's all about control for those that don't take care of their parents. It's moms money and it's none of their business. Say to them if they want to know what mom has then mom and you want to know all their financial business. Dont' worry really. They are just puffing smoke because they feel guilty for not helping mom. If she is of sound mind then all is fine. She knows who is her caregiver and she will tell them to take a flying leap off the bridge!!!!

My dad paid for things in our home too since he considered it his home as well. He always told us that whatever we needed as far as financial help he would always be there for us as he was grateful for our care. Whatever discussions you have made with your mom is between you guys and whatever your siblings have talked to their kids about is their business. It's not fair that they are questioning you. It's between you and your mom as to what arrangments were made in the home... Tell your siblings "See you in Court"...

I had the same situation. I took/take care of my parents in their home for 18yrs.Their finacnces, medical, home, everything ! I am a POA and the last of five children. Last year, one month before my husband died of cancer, my sister and brother accused me of stealing from my mom.My brother said he would take it to court. I said bring it on! I have nothing to hide. He backed down. It is hurtful and humiliating. This has broken our family apart. I am still responsible for everything! Stand your ground, sit down and document what has been given and have your mother sign the document. Also, come up with a care document.Check with your state laws, monies received for care are considered taxable income for you. Best of luck, greed is a terrible thing.
G

I try to circumvent all of this by letting my brothers know how my mother's money is being spent. When there is an unusual expense, I write them to let them know about it. Everything is traceable through her bank account and credit card. She doesn't pay me anything or pay any of my bills, so that is not a worry. I do think that having frequent conversations over the phone or via email helps prevent misunderstanding. If there is animosity in the family, this communication is probably even more important. If my mother were paying me or paying my bills, I would have the agreement in writing and would send a copy of the agreement to my siblings so it could be discussed before it became a potential problem for me. This is a good thread to show that even within families, we often have to keep ourselves covered legally. Isn't it a shame that the people who are not involved in the care of their parents feel that they are entitled?