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It was agreed I should leave my job of 20 years to come home and care for mom, (and Dad) Everything was fine, until my Dad died. My brother hated my father for abusing him and has always resented me. My parents were about to sign a new will, but my Dad died before that happened. Now, I have been in caregiver burnout stage for since the summer. I have copies of emails where I ask for help over and over. I got silence. Even before Dad died, I was a 24/7 caregiver to both parents. 48 hours a day for one person? Now, they think Mom's Alzheimer's is so bad off that they don't call or communicate or EVER offer to help. I got a letter from her neurologist saying she WAS of sound mind and body in July of this year. My brothers told me they would fight me. One is an attorney, the other was two doors down from the CEO of DeWalt tools. They told me they would fight me and made sure I lost because I wanted to SHARE POA over finances. They were willing to put our Mother on the stand to prove her incompetency. Now it has been 6 months and I haven't had any overnights at all since July 15th. I have, in writing, my emails asking for help, describing how my health is deteriorating, etc. Nothing... My attorney brother lives 20 miles away, but he refuses to speak to me, due to me being favored as a CHILD. I hired an attorney to help with communication, and once he found out, he told everyone he could NOT speak to me. I found out that since she gave him consent, he COULD talk to me, he just CHOSE not to. Also, I wrote to him today, and he wrote back to my attorney, that he preferred not to talk to me. I NEED help. I think I have a case, but for what I don't know since no paperwork was filed. ------I came home to help my Mother, my best friend, and due to all of this stress with no help from family. (yes, we have caregivers for a few hours at at time), but I will NEVER forgive my siblings for stealing each precious second/minute/hour/day that I have with her as she is now forgetting who I am. I feel guilty that I could not be there for her in the way that I want. And I have nothing else to lose, since the brothers are going to put her in a home, I have nothing else to lose, so I want to do something/ take action against them, but this attorney did not help. I need suggestions, and I don't want to hear counseling, or go to a priest. I want to know if there are laws or anything I can do to fight back. I've had it. I'm not afraid of them anymore.

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youngestsis1972, I think that you are right -- you cannot DO anything to change your siblings' behavior. If Mom wants you to be POA now and that is what you want, she can easily make that happen.

Here is what I suggest, for your own peace of mind:
1) Realize that you made a decision to come take care of your parents. Your siblings could vote until the cows come home, wagging their tails behind them, and it would not obligate you at all. You CHOSE to come. Keep that in mind.
2) You are choosing to stay. It is your choice. You can change your mind. Obviously you aren't going to walk out the door and leave her stranded. You would have to make arrangements first. But nothing is holding you there except your own decision.
3) The only decisions you can control are your own. Your sibs have their own relationship to your parents, their own life priorities, and their own right to make decisions. (Your brother was abused -- and you expect him to care for parents now -- what kind of sense does that make?) You may make any judgments you care to about their behavior but you cannot change it. Accept that. You'll be a lot less frustrated to simply face this reality.
4) Once you accept that you are not going to get the help you need from your family, work out other arrangements to get it. No one can remain sane and care for an elder 24/7/365. You NEED breaks. How would you get them if you were an only child? Because in this context, you are!

Let go of the notion that your siblings are going to help you. Face reality. Arrange your life accordingly.
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My family refuses to speak to me, and yet, they voted that I come home. I don't suppose there is anything I can battle them legally for refusing to help with caring for her. I sent them info about Caregiver Burnout, and how it was negatively affecting my health. I asked them for help, and they just ignored it. This directly affects my Mother. I don't suppose it's illegal to ignore your sibling and your parent. It's certainly reflects poorly on their character. I wish I could DO something. But, I don't think I can...
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I'm not sure exactly what they want to do and what it is that you want. Are they placing your mother in a facility and you prefer that not to happen? Are you living in your mother's house now? If she was deemed competent in July, then she would have been competent when she signed the POA. What does your mother want?
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There was no court, no hearing. My brother had my mother sign a POA in 9/15. She visited me later and said she signed paperwork, but wasn't sure what it was. I specifically asked if it was a POA, and she couldn't recall, but that is NOT in writing. Later, I found out that my brother's secretary did not read it all to her... She told me she skimmed it for my Mother. As usual, my brother does not seem to want to be involved with her. When I had her deemed mentally competent in 7/16, I was threatened by both brothers not to try to take it to court. I'm a teacher. My one brother is an attorney, and the other is a very rich man. They said they would have her deemed mentally incompetent in court and told me they would do everything in their power to make sure I lost. Now, it's too late, unless I can use that paper saying she WAS mentally competent and use my brother's email in court.
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Was your mother declared incompetent in court? That's a key element. IF there was a Guardianship hearing and the judge appointed your brother, only the judge can change that. Notes from the Ward (your mom) have no bearing on that. Only the judge can decide and approve of where she lives. The Guardian of the Estate reports only to the court, no one else.
But you don't say if there was a court hearing or not. ??
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