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Who do I talk to? There are 3 of us. My mom has Alzheimers (still probably considered "early onset" - she is still pretty capable), and when my father passed, we all decided (Mom included) that my one brother would be the financial POA and I would be the medical POA.


Recently, my other brother - the one without a POA - moved back home to help Mom, because we all felt that it was probably best for her to no longer live alone. We've tried really hard to be proactive in these decisions, clearly, and for the most part, it works.


However, I'm starting to have some concerns about the estate money and how it's been appropriated. There is a will that states us each receiving 1/3, so I'm not worried that I'll be "cut out". Rather, I'm concerned that my opinions about how the money should be spent are being dismissed, and will continue to be overshadowed - 2 against 1, to be honest. They believe in spending more - much more - than I believe should be spent on things (not Mom personally...we have all always believed that we should put her in the best place we can afford, when that time comes, for example), and it seems my opinion doesn't matter, although I'll be getting 1/3 of the inheritance, and I should also be 1/3 of the decision making process for Mom and what is absolutely best for her and her estate. This disease could last 10 years, it could last 20+, and I'm just trying to look to the longest possible duration of this.


I'm trying to do some research on what kind of professional I need to talk to about this. If worse comes to worst and I continue, for the next several years, to fundamentally disagree with how the estate money is being spent...is there any help for that?


I'm trying to tread so carefully - I love my family; we're all intelligent, generally reasonable people, but in this there has been no logic to the spending so far, and any point I have made in the contrary so far is met with defensiveness and dismissal. It causes me extreme anxiety to even propose something different because of past interactions, and I feel so beaten down for it. I'm afraid of it continuing that way, and I'm just trying to find a professional to discuss any options I may have - if there are any - in the event that it continues in this manner. I would like to believe that we can come to something civil without really getting involved in a messy situation...but I'm not entirely confident anymore.


Any ideas would be so appreciated! This website has been my savior SO often, and I respect the opinions of the posters so much. Thank you!

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I agree with others - the issue is on what are the funds being spent? More detail would certainly put your concerns in perspective.

As to the "estate money", actually it's your mother's money and doesn't become estate funds until her death.

Have you spoken directly with your mother about this? I understand it might be difficult b/c of the brother's presence.
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The POA is the POA. His or her decision alone counts. Read the POA document if confused as to responsibilities.
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Exactly......Where's the money going? If it's moms money and it's being spent for children's personal stuff, that's serious, maybe criminal.
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Is the money being spent on your mom and her care and well-being? Or is your brother taking lavish vacations and buying new cars?

If there are 3 adult siblings and 2 vote for something that's the democratic way of doing things. If the decisions have to be unanimous then I guess it goes back to where the money is going.
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I'm sorry, I should really edit before posting. I shouldn't say "no logic to the spending so far", I should say "no logic recently". Until the last few months, I didn't have much of a concern. I just don't want this to be a new trend, where we think the money is bottomless and so should spend whatever whenever. Does that make sense?
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