What can you do when a son borrows money from his family and refuses to pay it back saying it was a gift? - AgingCare.com

What can you do when a son borrows money from his family and refuses to pay it back saying it was a gift?

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If anyone has any suggestions as to what I can do to collect monies from my daughter and son-in-law, please help? My story is as follows:

My daughter lives in Public Housing and has her husband living there although he isn't on the lease. He works a full-time job and she collects a monthly check that housing 'pays her' for living there.

Sadly, and really after-the-fact, I realize that they spend the brunt of their money on prescription pain medication they purchase online and also get from physicians. They're always falling behind in their bills because of this, leaving my grandson going without so very much. His basic needs are met (barely). I have custody of her daughter (my granddaughter) because of this and numerous other issues. It's outright neglect.

I've tried helping her so many times, for the sake of the grandchildren. Also because I loved her so very much. In hindsight, all I've been doing is enabling her.

This past July, my daughter arrived at my house in a frenzy. She was going on and on how their electric, gas and cable were about to be shut off.
In housing, if the 'vital' utilities are terminated, it is grounds for eviction.
She had the bills-in-hand and begged me to help her. Unfortunately, I did.
I went online and paid all three bills via my credit cards.

She/son-in-law promised, gave me their word that it would be paid back monthly.
I have asked for something in writing (which is what I should have done in the first place), but there was always an excuse to avoid.
I've asked both of them, politely, to please begin to give me something that I can put towards the credit card payments. I'm getting nothing but excuses.

I brought it up to her yesterday evening, and she began calling me names that I cannot repeat. Let me just say that I am beyond crushed and brokenhearted.

All of the bills show that the payments went to her address as they were her (and his) utilities. Maybe/hopefully, this might help my case to collect?

I'll finish this by adding that I am disabled and on a fixed income. The credit cards that I have are for emergency use only. I have one department store credit card that I use to purchase my granddaughter's clothing, etc.
The child support payments, that I receive for he,r pays that bill.
The child support is reluctantly paid by the 'biological father' (not my son-in-law). This child is from a previous relationship and is an entirely different story (book). My ex and I practically raised her because of so much conflict and neglect.

There's so much to this fiasco but I won't take-up the reader's time.
If anyone has any suggestions, please respond. To say that this incident is the proverbial *straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back* would be an understatement.
My thanks to any responders.
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Actually that saying came from Clare Boothe Luce, my mistake.
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robbyn81, there is an old Irish saying, "no good deed goes unpunished". I think this might be a good fit for you. Sorry.
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My mother pressured and harressed me to help her and my Brother an his out when he got fired in 2010. He promised to pay me back at least part of the loan when he got his 401K. I never saw a dime! Then when they got in trouble with the law I paid their Lawyer fees, with promise they would make monthly payments. Still have not seen a dime. They owe me $80,000.00, now I'm pennie less with no job and can't pay my bills. Sad that the people you should be able to trust most in the world would take advantage of you and not care.
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Always if you knew he would ask for a loan get a document stating amount what payments are etc.. If he did this without your knowledge and know the person is incompetent you need to get on him now before he gets in big trouble. You need to take control of her finances get poa if needed get a fiduciary .
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This loan needs to be substantial or the costs of getting your money back could be more than would make it worthwhile. Lawyers are expensive. The sad thing here is not getting the money back but what your son has done to you. If my parent gave me money and then told me it was a loan, I would knock myself out getting it paid back. In fact my first car was paid for by a loan from my folks and I paid it back as soon as possible. How old is your son? If he is an adult, well he just may be a guy with not so great character. Just don't loan him any more money, ever. And don't feel bad about it either.
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Your question relates to an alleged loan from the family. Apparently more than one person was involved in making the loan.. If you and the other lenders are in agreement then it is apparent that you would have the burden of proof -- that is you all should be able to persuade the court that the transaction was indeed a loan. I also presume that there is no writing to verify the terms of the loan however in cases where there is a loan proved but no terms of repayment, then the court will supply a promise to repay within a reasonable time. What is reasonable will vary from case to case. and I cannot venture to guess what the facts which are yet to be established will be determined.

The amount of the loan is going to decide whether you need a lawyer or not. Depending on your local law the loan may be tried in Small Claims Court or it may require that you use a lawyer. I suggest that you seek counsel in the form of an office visitand go from there. All is not lost but you must seek your remedy before the Statute of Limitations runs out, assuming that it has not already done so In some ares various lawyers advertise that the first visit is free. Look in the yellow pages.
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I am the elder. Loaned $ over two years ago to help with a remodeling job......which was keeping him too busy to be a part of the family.....my own son...haven't had a return call since last February.... You know, I would not let a stranger treat me this way....just hard to realize that you have raised a con man. Have a call in to my attorney... Thanks..GW
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don't loan him any more money :)
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What is your role in the elders estate? If you are also in line to inherit from the parent, then document the debt and when it comes time to split what's left take all debt off the split this sibling would have received..
If you are not a participant in the economic goals of this family, you can be fascinated, but perhaps it is not your business. Demented people tell very interesting stories, some true, some a few degrees off from the truth. My dad believed his board and care home was a fine hotel and always asked if I had paid the bill and tipped the maid.
If you are involved in the economy of this family and the money won't last and there is not enough for the elders current care, then you have a stake in this being dealt with in a professional manner. All the options that are open to anyone who has a debt that is unpaid are open to the elder including court followed by wage garnishment. Just like any other debt having the loan documented in writing is essential.
The family needs a meeting that includes documenting who has control over what money and what their obligations are. A lawyer can be important at this stage to make it stick.
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