I was wondering if anyone has dealt with sibling relationships after a parent died. I took care of my abusive elderly narc parent for over 10 years. My parent died recently and I find myself with literally no relationship with my siblings. My one sibling wants me to break up with my partner of over 20 years and move to another city. This would require me finding a new job as well. I am not doing it. Unfortunately I feel they are now trying to cut my ties to her children. I feel like an orphan.
I went n/c with my one sib (sister) who is similar to my mother (BPD) only colder. They both saw me as a servant. Best thing I ever did for myself.
Do what is right for you and build other healthier relationships. I have sisters by friendship, not by blood. I have a sibling by blood. (((((hugs))))) to you.
Siblings are blood. Make family WITHOUT blood ties. Develop hobbies and relationship with others. Whether you like to garden, walk dogs or volunteer with your faith bases community, political community, or whatever, there is a wealth of ways in which you can make new friends and relationships that are loving and supportive.
There was a member a while back who had cared for her parents and I think someone else. She was in her 50s/60s. Everyone had pasted and she now had her life back. A family member told her, now you can care for Aunt so and so. The member said No, but it amazed her that the family member seemed to think she would jump at the chance to care for someone else. Thats because people do not realize what is involved in caring for someone. Your life revolves around the person ur caring for. And the intimate things u have to do.
You now have ur life back. Stay where you are. Stay with ur partner. Tell sibling, sorry no, my life is here and I am now free to enjoy it and do everything I have not been able to do for the last 10 yrs.
with your partner and what right does your sibling have to expect you to do that? Move to another town?. I fail to see the relevance of sibling’s demands. Didn’t you look after their abusive parent for ten years? Without any input from siblings, which I can only imagine comes from guilt on their part, so she wants you to discard your life and partner and move elsewhere. this is the same sibling who wants to cut your ties with her children?. I should think having a sibling such as she, would be more beneficial to have them out of YOUR life than YOU out of theirs. go grey rock. Pretend she doesn’t exist. This may hurt you in regards to not seeing her children, but I have no doubt that she will have poisoned them against you anyway for whatever perverse reason. They do that shit. Clearly she has her own demons, and you are the recipient of her inability to eliminate them. My brother’s son is my godson and I have not seen him or my niece for two years and I suspect the next time I do see them will be at our fathers funeral. They never visit nor does my brother, though I’m not relishing any contact with him at this time.
Unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of permanent no contact with him. He will have his day with me very soon and it will end in tears.
Do they suspect you are downtrodden by your partner & need a fresh start? Or are one of those bossy know-it-alls?
I have relatives that have at times expressed their opinions on my moving. "Thank you for your suggestion. But I'll decide what's right for my life".
I have 4 siblings. I have nothing to do with 1 sister she’s even crazier than my mother was. (Even my mother said that ). This sister believes that I was a suck up to my mother , trying to be the favorite .
In reality I was stupid and didn’t know how to say “NO”until it was too late .
Another sister pretty much distanced herself after both parents were gone , but she has a sick hermit of a husband.
My brother was the oldest and only boy. I have limited contact , he has distanced himself from parents most of his married life .
I’m only close to one sister , as we were both very compliant growing up , and we bonded when we realized how we were the slaves , doing everything in the home . First my older sister than it was handed down to me when she left home.
This sister is very ill and for years has contributed some of her health problems to being ridiculed by everyone else in the family due to my mother’s gossiping and disapproval of her as an adult .
And yes , you do lose touch with the nieces and nephews , but as they grow up they move on and away anyway .
My siblings did come in like flying monkeys towards the end of my parents’ lives. And it wasn’t fun .
It’s sad but at the same time we are all damaged in our own way from my mother . I acknowledge that “ it is what it is”. I can’t change the family dynamics , and nobody seems to want to anyway .
You have to do what is healthy for you .
This should be a time for healing. It shouldn’t be a time for additional stress and turmoil.
Some relationships aren’t worth fighting for. So, let it go.
If you wish to, keep the door open for communication but the moment that the conversation turns absurd, ignore what they say.
You are in control of your life. They have absolutely no business telling you what to do.
Wishing you peace as you heal from the loss of your parent and not having a healthy relationship with your family.
I don't know the age of the children of the sibling, but yes, you would likely loose contact with the children of your sister. The world, however, is full of children who would want a loving and supportive person in their lives in volunteer sitations.
I wish you the best. You cannot change other people. It is best not to try, and to make your own "family" of treasured and supportive friends with whom you share mutual loving relationships.