9 siblings and 1 put Mom in nursing home against her wishes. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

9 siblings and 1 put Mom in nursing home against her wishes. Any advice?

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She took her out to lunch and straight to the facility! he wants to be in her home.This sister says NO !There are 2 executors out of us kids.Our dad picked them.He is deceased.Mom has dementia but can fully understand whats going on.They won't honor any of her wishes.I don't know what to do?

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What are your mother's wishes?
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It can be very difficult doing the right thing for our loved ones. Even with 9 kids, who have other responsibilities, jobs and family to care for, 24/7 care at home can be impossible. Take into account the ages of the children! The wishes of someone at this stage is just that, wishes; they have no idea what being their caregiver will involve.

Like Pam said, this wasn't a drop off situation. There is quite a bit required before admission. Make the best of this for your Mom's sake!
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One son took mom to lunch while the other got the moving men to load up her hospital bed, a favorite table and chair so it was all set up in her room at the ALF by the time she got there. That's the standard method.
Executors have nothing to do with her care, they only execute the Will.
Perhaps this sister is a DPOA? or Health Care Proxy? or both? She didn't just drive up and dump her off, that is not possible. There are evaluations by MD's and there is paper work and authorizations. A plan of care is established, a need for care has to have medical proof. Sis had to prove she had the legal authority to place mom. Nine siblings had the option of taking her in, but it would seem 8 of them were in denial or absent.
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Vickie, this is a really tough situation. My mom also has dementia but can still be amazingly sharp and witty at times. She has been in a nursing home for almost a year and I think that she is probably doing better than she was when she was living independently but it breaks my heart. She calls the home "a prison" and regularly complains about one thing or the other (thankfully she also seems OK at times). I don't know how much you know about your mother's medical condition. A lot can go on - or not go on - under the surface.
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That sister must have POA - because you can't just "put someone in a home." Many things had to be done leading up to this, such as medical exam and financial arrangements. Nursing homes don't just take anyone. Your mother must need to be there. Hopefully, your mom will receive the care that she needs. Good luck to you.
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Vickie, curious which of the 9 siblings were full-time Caregivers to your Mom? I understand you want to abide by your Mom's wishes. Decisions like theses are not easy. As for the Executors, are they for the Power of Attorney, for the Will/Trust, or for everything?

You need to remind yourself that your Mom has dementia which is a terrible disease and can be very demanding and exhausting on whomever is the Caregiver. It will only get worse, not better. There are times when our parent no longer has a choice. For their own best care and safety, a nursing home is THE only option.

Think positive, that now your Mom is with other residents who are from her generation. Think of all the new friends she will make, and even maybe make some new best friends. And she won't be bored.
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