I'm a sibling of a caregiver who would do anything to help. The thing is, my sister controls mom's every move. Help! I love my mom.

Frustrated, if your mom has some mental incapacity, you can petition the courts to have a guardian appointed for her. You should definitely do this if there is some financial impropriety involved. If you win in court, you must also face the possibility of mom being removed from her care. Play this out, your mother may be very unhappy if her living arrangements are changed.

What about suggesting that Sis set up a personal care agreement with Mom? It sounds like you can live with Sis's sticky fingers if she will just let you see Mom more? How about "bribing" her to keep in touch with you? You shouldn't have to, but if she really needs the money..... Bribery and flattery are likely to get you what you want. You can't change her character. Reporting her for financial abuse might get her put in jail, but until then, life for you and Mom will not be easy. She will do all she can to keep you apart. Just my opinion.

I'm so sorry for your situation.

yea the privacy laws sometimes shut out family members who want to be helpful to elders. hospitals are in such throes of reconstruction that they dont have time to comfort family. medicine has to change in this country but nearly all change takes some fine tuning. i think your going to have to get ugly with sis, its the only thing a dictator understands.

Thank you for your response, Captain..give a hug. I do have a spine. I still go to visit my mom. It is just difficult to find out where my mom is at times. Now she is at the hospital but I had to phone way too many people and hospitals to learn that. I am with my mom now, as a matter of fact. My sister is giving me the evil
eye. I will say, though, that I have kept my mouth shut because I do understand the toil of a caregiver. I have never questioned any decisions made on my sister's part. Except leaving myself and my brother in-the-dark. I suspect that she is dipping and not reporting...new car, vacations, etc.,etc. I believe that she fears being found out. Hence, the secrecy. My husband and I are financially settled. We do not want any money. We only want the caregiver ( my sister) to have a moral compass so that we can enjoy my mother in her final years.

thats messed up. your sister is being foolish because poa or executor do not give her any advantages when assets are divided up. in fact the executor must pay full market value for any assets they wish to aquire. thats why a judge must sign off on final estate decisions. id suggest you grow a pair and make your intentions clear with your sister concerning spending time with mom. get bugeyed with the b**ch iz what im sayin. every family has one amateur dictator but they just need challenged imo. my mom told me just before she died that i was sometimes a tad gullible but i had a spine and it gave her great comfort to have a maniac for an advocate. people will only push you as far as youll let them.