My sibling from 3000 miles away is objecting to my financial arrangement with mom of $1500 per month for mom to live with me and my family. Thoughts? - AgingCare.com

My sibling from 3000 miles away is objecting to my financial arrangement with mom of $1500 per month for mom to live with me and my family. Thoughts?

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My sibling from 3000 miles away is objecting to my financial arrngement with my mom of $1500 per month for mom to live with me and my family. I have had the full responsibility of my bipolor mom and her household for the last 2 year uncompensated and cannot do that anymore. The doctor wants her at my home or in a nursing home. What does everyone think?

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Very significant question. Very easy to answer from my point of view though I have struggled with it constantly. Ok...number 1....your mom's finances and financial business if she is competant is none of their business and 2....check out the cost of 24 hour care...single room nursing home. You will be shocked. I find in my case that sibs never do their homework.
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Here is what you must do. Break the $1500 down PER hour. Itemize your Mom's monthly costs (diapers, meds, gas money, food, yada yada). Tell them you will gladly fly Mom to their house and they can take the $1500 and provide round the clock care.

I doubt they will take you up on that offer. Because they are narcissists.

Those who care not for their parents, know nothing about what it takes to do so and are not qualified to give their two cents.
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I think it is a very good amount to charge. I personally think caregivers ought to get at least $2K. Many people feel that if it is family, then one person should do it out of love and at no charge. This really makes no sense, because if your mother was living on her own, it would cost at least $1.5K a month. Not charging would mean that the money would be saved for later, which means it would either go to pay for care in a facility or to the estate. If it went to her estate, it would be shared among all the heirs, caregivers and non-caregivers alike. So it would be like you would be paying your siblings to be able to care for your mother. Doesn't sound right to me. I agree with what you are charging. It sounds very reasonable.
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Has you sibling tried to be part of the mom's care? Would they like mom to move in with them, would they take any of her money to let her move in with them? Is it about the money or the mom? Since we don't know your mom's condition it's hard to say if that is to much money or not enough! Please give more detail.
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Hi clickprint, hmmmm, this is kinda when I wish we could have a court session-you could plead your case and your sibling could plead her's and we could be the jury. But it sounds completely fine by me. Would that include her food and care? Or just rent? My instinct it to tell your sibling that if he/she doesn't like it than Mom is going on the airplane to his/her house. Have fun.

In your profile it would like your Mom is of sound mind - I mean ,no dementia- so I think if she is OK with it than that should be enough.

Just my thoughts. Good luck!
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