My sibling is grossly neglecting our elder parent who has dementia. What can I do? - AgingCare.com

My sibling is grossly neglecting our elder parent who has dementia. What can I do?

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APS and courts are worthless, Caregivers documented abuse, SOS. I desperately need help in getting my parent the assistance she needs to live a full life. She lives alone. and has for 13 years. In 2007 she had a stroke and one year later my younger sibling who is a failure to launch adult still living with our father and being supported has assisted our mother to change her trust so that he is now DPOA.. I had been in place as such and was never notified of this change.
My attempts for the past several years to care for my mother have been presented with isolation and my sibling has informed all involved to NOT communicate with me regarding my mother. I have a court order which states he is to communicate and cooperate for the good of our mother, but he refuses. The court has done nothing and I have spent way more money than I have to protect my mother. My sibling is spending her money, He doesn't and has not worked for 20 something years. Mom has a substantial amount of money to care for her needs and he is unwilling to let it cover her needs. He is angry about his parents divorcing 13 years ago and Mom got what she did and never worked for it. He is determined to get back what his dad worked hard for all his life. My brother had purposely estranged himself from our mother at the time of the divorce and I need to call in a civil standby for her to take her things since by brother was unwilling for her to take anything.
I am desperate. Anyone with any suggestions or help. Please!!!

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v vstefans
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If Mom wasn't competent to change the trust, that should not have been permitted. I do not know how to make courts obey court orders or how they think they can ignore them...can you go to an ombudsman's office or your state representative or senator's office?? is there maybe something under the governor's office??
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Mom has advanced dementia. trust has been modified at siblings hand and courts are not holding court orders which are being ignored.
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Wow...I'm so very sorry you're going through this godschild.

Does your mom have any type cognitive impairment? I know you mentioned your brother is the POA, and that the lawyer has given up; has the lawyer ever discussed the option of you seeking guardianship? If mom can be proven to lack competency, perhaps pursuing guardianship is feasible. Not sure if it varies in different states, but guardianship can possibly trump POA.

What was APS's take on the situation?
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Unfortunately our father is home with Hospice in place and brother is caregiver full-time for him. Did I mention my parents were divorced. I have no one who will act with me in this regard. My attorney has given up because we are fighting a losing battle and the courts are favoring a trust. They refuse to see the truth and those who do see the truth will not come forward to help. They do not want to get in the middle. YES, MY MOTHER IS THE ONE SUFFERING.
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I can imagine how stressful this must be for you. Do you have a lawyer? If not get one specialized in the elderly. Is you Dad aware of what is going on? Could he be enabling the brother as some kind of revenge? If Father is not involved would he be any help with the brother? Other family members who know what is going on? Keep a paper trail on anything you do.

Your Mother didn't work for the money...who took care of the house, the children, etc?

I don't know how much this helps. I will be praying for a positive outcome. The only one to suffer in the end will be your Mother. Best wishes!
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