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Why do we have to read with this crap? Spell casters?? Get real. Where are the site administrations now?
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so I have a question; know OP is not this way but what if the person mom wanted to take care of her was one who had taken from her in the past, is why she wouldn't want that person to be the financial POA?
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That could be one reason, DD, and one of the better ones; but there can be all sorts of reasons.

For example:
In older generations especially, parents would often automatically appoint a son rather than a daughter.
One or more children may have specific financial expertise, which could be handy.
They might just pick the oldest child.
They might avoid picking a child for the most peculiar of reasons - a tendency to pick up speeding fines, for example, or habitual lateness.
They might pick the one who starts the discussion and calls the attorney.

There is nothing *inherently* wrong with an arrangement whereby one child does hands-on care while another exercises financial power of attorney. In fact, when the relationships are good and co-operative and communication works well, this ticks lots of regulatory boxes - it helps in terms of transparency, avoiding undue influence, double-checking of spending on the parent's behalf and all sorts of things. Also, although the tasks don't really compare in terms of time or energy, holding POA is not effort-free - so it is a way of sharing in the work to be done.

But for many reasons, unfortunately, it tends to be fraught in practice. Siblings may not be as close and mutually appreciative as the ideal, for example; or if they were before they might rapidly cease to be so. Communication may go awry. The worst aspect of it in my family's case was that we had differing views of what was and was not worth paying for - it could have been a lot worse, there was no trouble over respite care or buying in support once mother became bed-bound, for example; but there were certainly things I would have bought had I been in charge of the money that just got quietly shelved instead. And the thing about that is, now that my mother has passed, of course it doesn't really matter any more; but I'm left wondering, with some bitterness, just whose interests her POAs were protecting. They've done pretty well out of their efforts.
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countrymouse, that's somewhat of what's begun to come to light with the situation with hub's aunt and uncle, although, again, don't believe there's been an actual POA granted, by aunt, at least, but, and I was trying to find out more about how this was done by friend re her mother in telling her doctor about things that she felt were beginning to be indicative or her incapacity, such as, though, in her case, her bills not being paid, but, as I think I read on this site, one of the things that's advised is to set up bills on auto, which is they aunt's are, so that's not an issue, so not really sure what would have been brought up in this case to her doctor as indication but something was seemingly that her doctor has at least said that it would be illegal for her to drive, not that it necessarily actually is yet, probably trying to avoid taking that actual step, but leading to her car keys being taken away and her wanting them back, which is what led to all this coming out but how far she's willing to go to get them back, kinda like mom, maybe, in this scenario; they may want one thing but how far are they willing to go to get what they say they want
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Um, well - I suppose how far they're willing (and, more to the point, able) to go is one way of telling how reliable their capacity is?

But I think you may have a situation where it's the parent who's in conflict, potentially anyway, with the POA child. Depending on how you view what is really in the parent's best interests, you can either look around for an independent advocate and/or legal advice for the parent, or support the POA child and give back up for what he's trying to do (if you agree that it's the best thing for the parent, objectively speaking). Tricky one, though.
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exactly - and what I'm wondering

again, there seemingly is no actual POA. I did so some research that at least seemed to indicate you can dispute your own "incapacity", which I guess, somewhat like you're saying, your ability to do so would be an indication of that. As far as I know she never got lost while she was driving and knew enough to not go nearly so far as others who wound up either quitting driving or at least would have someone go with them, which I believe she would do, or were forced to quit even by those who also didn't drive, at least as much, so not quite sure I feel I could totally back up taking away the keys and not giving them back. What does it sound like to you? Definitely tricky, though.
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You can't move her to Texas for him. He has to do that. You have no funds to put her in a nursing home there. If you take her and drop her, you could be charged with elder abuse. Your best bet is to notify him you are walking away. If you are currently living with her, move out and get your own place. Let him be her caregiver and you be her daughter.
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