Sibling is depleting Mom's money and she refuses to do anything about it. Any advice?

I'm thinking police, jail. No other way.

Sharon, you need for a moment to put aside the "this and that" actions and focus on the underlying issues. Your brother is apparently a manipulator, irresponsible and convincing your mother to lend him money. He's also a predator and an elder financial abuser.

These are the facts on which you need to focus. The next issue is action, and whether you and your other brother can do what's necessary.

Your mother is displaying poor judgment; if she doesn't have dementia significant enough to affect her thought processes, she's still not exhibiting prudent financial management.

And she still shouldn't be handling her own finances. Read the DPOA and see if it allows you to act now, absent any specific finding of dementia. If it does, step in and take over all her finances, whether she likes it or not.

Change accounts, close accounts, put a security freeze on her credit reports - do everything you have to prevent the thieving brother from accessing her finances. She may be angry at you, but this needs to be done.

Your mother is enabling your brother to exploit her. If you want to change the situation, recognize that her behavior is going to turn her against you. You need to be prepared to accept that if you want to make changes.

I recognize that this is a difficult situation - you will likely alienate your mother by stepping in to protect her finances. You'll have to ask yourself which is the worst situation - alienating her or protecting her financially.

Windy's observations are insightful. Given that assessment, do you want to be a party with knowledge of this financial exploitation? What would you say if a police officer asked you why you didn't step in to take control? That's the way law enforcement would see it - you have the legal authority - use it.

If you don't feel up to the confrontation, hire an attorney to handle the action necessary.

How is your crooked brother going to pay for a funeral when he has no money? You and your other brother have to choose. Either confront your mother as DPOA and fix this mess or walk away and let the chips fall where they may. Fixing the mess will require playing hardball. Cancel the life insurance policy. Have the car repossessed by calling a towing company and having it hauled back to the lot where your brother leased it. You and your other brother have to decide what is more important - severing ties with a deadbeat or protecting your mother's financial interests for her future care.

Sharon, what you describe is massive theft and fraud. If you have any proof of any of this your brother should be prosecuted and go to prison. It doesn't matter that mom won't file charges. He is taking advantage of a vulnerable adult. All states have laws on the books to deal with this kind of theft.

The money is probably long gone, but do you not want to see justice done? I'm with your hubby. I'd want to kill this guy.

Excuse me: your mother did do something about it. She gave you Durable Power of Attorney. Use it.

You need to take legal and/or police advice immediately, for this simple reason: if your mother has dementia sufficiently bad for her to be deemed incompetent, *you* are now responsible for what happens to her money. She cannot act for herself, you have power of attorney, therefore you are obliged to act in her best interests. That's the whole point of it.

You may find that you have more uncomfortable questions to answer about what you have been doing for the last two years than about whether or not your brother will remain in the bosom of the family. Get all the paperwork together and seek advice without delay.

Thank you all for the information you have provided. I am not going to sit and watch everything go down the tube. I just became the DPOA two months ago when I found out things had started up again. I have been quietly gathering my information and facts together, Quite frankly the only reason I have not pulled the plug on everything is because my mother insists it was her doing (she is aware of everything I have found out), She will protect him until the end. I have talked to a lawyer and have set up credit notifications and been in touch with the insurance company. My other brother is pulling his support back from me, not quite sure what is going on with that, I suspect he wants to inform me but not get him in trouble. I did note that when he told me about the credit card situation it was after the statute of limitations. I have always been the one on the outside and now it looks like I am going to be the one to dirty my hands. Thank you for listening to my story and affirming what I know needs to be done.

"CLOSE TO OUTING HIM, but..." "taking advantage of her kindness" and "respecting her wishes" ??? Your more accurate assessment is "the monster she created."

Your brother is not being unkind, rude, stealing petty cash, or dipping a hand into the cookie jar - he is a criminal who may make it impossible for your mother to receive care she will need as well as appropriating the inheritances of the entire family. I am not going to apologize for harsh language here. There is no way in hell this is really what your mother wants or needs if she is worthy of being called Mother. Maybe she also had trouble with "confrontation" and standing up for herself and her other kids, or could not admit she was wrong to baby and pity your brother into the irresponsible taker and parasite he has become. If you can't locate your backbone and stop this abuse, it will not stop until every last penny is gone, and if you really are psychologically unable to handle any conflict or confrontation, you need to resign the POA and see that someone else who is less timid takes over while you get some help and learn to stand up for yourself and the people who need you to. And rationalizing that you don't have to get a guardianship unless brother tries to get POA is just that - if it is to his advantage to do that, he will certainly persuade her to change it over. Right now he doesn't need to because he can count on you to keep doing nothing.

Look, you are POA and you are not stepping up to the plate here. Re-read your document. You could be held legally and financially responsible for failing to protect her best interests, as several others have pointed out. Lawyer up and get control, or go to APS and the police, NOW. A decent eldercare attorney can hold your hand through the process and even play bad cop for you to some extent. At the very least get the incapacity letters from the physicians so that your POA is in full effect and her changing it could be more credibly contested.

"All that is needed for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing." Please stop confusing being "good" with being a doormat.

Sharon, forget about the funeral. Think about who is going to take care of mom with no assets when she becomes more demented, immobile and incontinent. She won't have any funds left to private pay for a facility and she won't be eligible for Medicaid.

Is that when she moves into your living room? You think your husband is angry now? Either call the police or resign your poa and tell mom and brother that they should have fun living together when the time comes.

Sharon it sounds like your whole family is denying the obvious. Stop making excuses and use the dpoa to take care of your mother. The actions of your brother have already removed him from the family. Your focus is your mother. Take care of the situation now.

There is always ONE sibling. The favorite. A murderer/drug addict/lives-in-the-basement-at-age-30. Possibly disabled in some way, unable to hold a job, but that one sibling is Mommy's Little Baby Boy. (always seems to be a boy. "Congratulations! It's A BOY!") I don't know what to tell you except try to protect her assets as best you can. Even if mom gets furious at your interfering (because Baby Boy is so near and dear to her heart), see what you can do to protect her assets. Please. Even if she gets mad, it really is for her own good.