Is it unlawful for sibling to continually have dad pay her bills each month? - AgingCare.com

Is it unlawful for sibling to continually have dad pay her bills each month?

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My borther and I live with our dad. He's 87. My bro & I take dad to the doc, store, wherever he needs to go. But, we either buy what he needs or let him pay himself for his things. He has acquired quite a lot of debt in the past 2 years and we can't figure where his $$ goes except that our younger sister comes over before the 1'st every month to get our dad to pay her rent. During the month, she will show up once or twice a week to get him to go buy her groceries, toiletries, etc. She is 53 & lives in a nice 2 bedroom/2 bathroom apartment alone. She has taken care of dad for only 2 over-night trips to her place this entire year of 5 1/2 months, because he wanted her to do his hair. Dad has nothing to show for his debt. Nothing. He is on crutches & almost lost his big toe. H He was in the hospital for a week & we got a little break in his care. But, our sis would go visit him & sway nothing to my bro or I. I think she only visited there to get money. We have informed our oldest bro in Cali. several times, as he has POA & Medical POA. Meanwhile, when we take dad to the doc & he has to pay for something, He goes there in old torn clothes & shoes & refuses to buy new one because he say s he can't afford them. He makes, like $4500 a month! He owns his house. He was broke by the 8'th this month and using his credit card already. I was shocked because he also got his income tax refund and had picked out a bed we were supposed to go pick up this week. WHERE IS IT GOING & FOR WHAT??? What to do ???(He tells people he's broke "because he spends it all on his kids."--Not true. Only the one).????????? blou

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Yep! If draing parent so parent is unable to pay bills this is Elder abuse. Also, as said keep track of your household contribution expenses even as livein caregiver since it is not your home it is his. Longterm care would allow aprox 16 hrs wk for home health aid companion on one to one @10.00 hr if his finances were eligile for assistance. Same could go for dr visits assistance is needed to go to at same companion rate to family member caregiver providing companion caregiver assistance transport to Dr or ADLs conciere ie personal shopper companion etc... have log document when where and mileage. If you are caring for parent This is your proof you are not mooch too. Ask other sibling to pitch in on any expenses you cover for parent because pare.t doesn't have enough money to cover expenses.
Monthly put away money in acct. For automatic payment of RE Taxes. If it comes to you ha ing to pay out of your pocket for RE Taxes pay for taxes in your name not parents. Won't tell you why, just to do it. Keep track of all money you have out of pocket for parent. Establish as adult child fair mkt. value what should be your rent contribution to household and what is your contribution amt to household and keep receipts showing why any diffferance befor trying to address sibling who has parent paying the way. Sibling may consider your getting a free ride and figger she'd get help paying her housing bills too.?
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Why are you living with your dad?
Is he not able to manage his own affairs or funds? If he cannot do this without your assistance, then it is clear that his competence is an issue and that you will need assistance from a doctor to challenge competency and pursue guardianship on his behalf. Beware of attempting self help without an attorney to interfere with his deposits or credit cards. That makes YOU guilty of the same things you are accusing your sister of. Fraud and deceptive practices may make YOU look like an exploiter, too!
If you really want to help, do it the right way. You can contact Social Security and inform them there may be a question of ability. It could allow his benefits to be held until a representative payee determination is made. Being sneaky and getting into legal trouble could lead to YOU being INELIGIBLE to be a Rep Payee or assist your dad! Ignore advice that asks YOU to do sneaky dishonest stuff.
And have that hard conversation with your sister. Tell her that she needs to pay her own bills or expect to have to sign a repayment agreement, or be sued to recover these funds inapropriately "gifted" to her, repeatedly. Make sure you account for your costs of providing supervision and assistance to your dad.
We had to give up our home to watch over my mother in law and get rid of a hanger on abusive "boyfriend" who was using alcohol, lack of food, and elaborate stories about "being rich" to get to her retirement funds to pay HIS BILLS. NO, that guy was not paying rent, and put her in a financial position that she could not pay her taxes on her home, pay her utilities, renew her car registration, or even buy food. She was sick because she was DETOXING FROM ALCOHOL ADDICTION!
We stepped in and spent $1000s getting rid of this guy out of her life!

I am hoping your sister isn't anything like this. Just remember, you must come with clean hands to help best.
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I had a similar situation happening, but my mother lives with me and I have POA. She also has dementia and my brother kept coming over to mooch off her but he does nothing to help with her caregiving whatsoever. When I finally caught on I told him he was cut off, took away my Mom's checkbook, ATM card and told him to get the hell off the property. Mom is not rich and I am trying to stretch her money for as long as she is here, not have my adult child brother whom is a worthless drain on society, has been on disability forever for a shoulder injury he inflicted on himself. What kind of child takes their Mom out on Mother's Day for lunch and has her foot the bill for him, his wife, their child and the wife's parents?!?!?!? Honestly!!!! I had to give him the Heave, Ho!!!!!
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If sister is extorting money from him causing selfcare neglect this is cause of elder abuse by taking advantage of father. POA needs to become SS payee. SS does not recognize POA. Someone needs to become DCF payee to apply for and handle for medical benefits; this would be the person who would be the represenative medical advocate for him.
He gets to much money for medicaid.
If he goes around with you in unkept in rags. Question of abuse burden may rest on you as livein caregivers to prove where his funds are going.
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ThereIsNoTry ,
thats a great response .
battling for guardianship is a sure way to make some attorney and judge more wealthy and could result in a public guardian being appointed . ( more split with the attorney and judge ) ..
my sis went nuts when mom was put on hospice and was hoping for mom to put her in a house closer to moms house . what a misguided joke !! .
i just talked to mom and told her how defenseless she was against the parasitic loser and mom agreed . we added myself to the checking account and made a big show of me holding the check book . my mom had her checkbook also and her debit card but she played the game perfectly with me . the sis and niece had to be compensated by me for every week of their help . with that level of scrutiny they didnt dare try to milk mom out of additional cash .
some family members become necessary but they just come at a hell of a price . when i could no longer go to work i " required " a 15 dollar bag of tobacco every 60 days . my sis and niece could spend that much sitting at a stop light.
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Do you realize how much money it costs- maybe more in some states han others - to pursue guardianship? Use common sense and a little blackmail on your Dad. True if you live there you should b paid, this will help him with the spend down. You need to eat in order to care for him, so you deserve to be paid, minimal no legal docs or is there? There are rules for paying people for assistance I think. I do believe that you can set up his bank accounts as a joint account between him and his POA, then you get the household bills to be paid automaotically by the cc company or the bank, and have a cc for groceries and gas. Only. He must be taking out cash if he's running out of money. I would limit access to the bank account by making it a joint account. Don't subject him to incompetency tests.
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I am financial POA for my 97 year old mother. I see everything my sister spends on her. I see the ss deposit, the pension deposit, co-pays, toiletries, etc.She doesn't charge for rent or food. Your brother in California knows where the money is going. He either doesn't care, or thinks it is fair that your sister gets rental help. It would not be out of line for him to provide you with a list of her expenses. If it is the sister's rental that is running up the credit cards, then you need to tell your sister your Dad is going into debt to help her, and that she needs to cancel her apartment and move in with the two of you.
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How would you know if the brother in California is spending dad's money, as well? You need to pursue gardianship immediately or move out, get your own place, and let the chips fall where they may.
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Fair warning: My uncle used to do this when my grandmother was in the early stages of Alzheimer's. By the time my Aunt got her ducks in a row and got guardianship, all my grandmother's savings had been depleted. She did not have any credit cards, but my uncle would convince her to give him signed checks so he could fill in the amounts later and basically wipe out her accounts. It took a while to figure out what was happening because my grandmother was partially unable to remember and partially covering for my uncle. She thought she was being a good mother, but basically he was robbing her blind. My advice would be to pursue guardianship at the earliest and if your father is still legally competent, try to work with CA brother to get the credit cards taken away at least, so that your dad does not end up further and further in debt.
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First thing is sit down with your dad and have a talk. Explain that he should be able to pay his bills and not be broke all the time. Try to broach is as you want to help him see where his money is going then see if he will give you shared control of his funds so that you an pay his bills and make sure everything gets paid and he is able to buy what he needs. Then if he chooses to give money to the sibling, you can tell him what is available and that is all he has to give. Seems strange that you and your sibling are doing everything for your day and the one in Cali who is not around has POA? How did that happen?
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