Should I cave in to the pressure of my sibling who doesn't think I deserve it and is trying to overturn our Dad's final wish? - AgingCare.com

Should I cave in to the pressure of my sibling who doesn't think I deserve it and is trying to overturn our Dad's final wish?

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Our father made changes to his estate plan to my benefit and my brother said that he did it because I wiped his a**.

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I didn't realize this was litagation. My advice settle; otherwise the lawyers get everything. It's just money, not worth the heartache and expense litagation causes. You know you did the right thing, you don't have to prove anything to anybody. This happened to a good friend of mine. Her wealthy sister who did nothing to care for their mother, fought her in court. She lost all of the $200,000. her Mom left, and the family is split. My advice let it go.
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Why would you give in?
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PSrern, you don't have to prove yourself, HE has to prove you misused your influence. As the Plaintiff (I assume), your brother has to PROVE WHAT HE IS ALLEGING. Obviously, your brother and mine went to the same College of Narcissistic Sons. My Mom is still here, but he never calls or does anything to help. I keep a log because I suspect he will pull this same kind of s**t. I will be placing my Mom in the near future & she did leave me a larger percentage from her IRA, but the house is 50/50. However, it will probably be sold to pay for her care. Do not let your brother take away your power, and the pride of caring for him. It is very difficult for narcissists to keep up the "facade" even in Court, so I doubt he has much of a case. I hope you sue him for attorney fees when you win. Then he will be left with nothing due to his selfishness.
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Thank you all very much for your comments. My father passed away in 2012 but i'm in the middle of litigation where it seems that I have to prove to everyone that I in some way didn't use undue influence and since my brother won't admit to the reason why he didn't want to spend time with dad, which was our father's refusal to give hime a large sum of money, he acts dumb and says that he did every thing he could possibly do considering he lived 47 minutes away and claims our dad didn't want to visit his home because he hated leaving his own house.
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Absolutely not! Sounds as if your brother did not help you with caregiving and is coming out of the woodwork now, because of dollar signs. There are inconsistencies with some siblings - they do not want to help with caregiving, yet they are offended if the inheritance is not split equally.
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It is wonderful that your Dad wants to thank you for your care. Honor his bequest. Maybe if your brother stepped up and wiped a few asses, he would understand the depth of love it takes to do it.
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PStern; are you caring for your father? In place of folks who would get paid to do it? Or in place of a NH or ALF? How does your sibling think you should be compensated? By getting paid now? Would that suit him/her better? Maybe he'd like to take over the a$$wiping duties?
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PStern, please honor your father's wishes. If you are doing all the dirty work (wiping ass), then your father thinks you deserve it. If you are there for him, in the ups and downs of caregiving, despite being sick, etc.. and still helping your father, then he thinks you deserve it.

Let me ask you something. If you hired 2 people to clean your house, you notice that one does the "dirty" cleaning (bathroom, toilet, sink, shower, getting down on the floor to scrub, etc...) and the other cleaner just breezes through the rooms, with a duster, dusting things but not taking it down and wiping each ornaments. Who would you think deserves a Big raise? Who would get to be lead cleaner? Who would you give responsibility to? .... the hardworker who was willing to get down and dirty to do the job. No job is too small for her/him.

Of course, the slacker is going to object. But, I come every day! I clean every day. etc... how come she gets a raise and I don't? I don't think it's fair! You're showing favoritism just because she kisses up to you.

So, Pstern, please do not cave in to your sibling. Trust me, in the end, down the end of the road, you WILL have deserved whatever your father have gifted to you. If you haven't reached the stage of severe stress, exhaustion, etc... you will reach it. And you will begin to resent that your brother is not there helping you with your father. Do Not Let Brother or Any of Your Sibling put the Guilt trip on you!

Please, hop around this site. Read what most caregivers are going through. You will see that everyone is at different stages. Some are starting out, some are going at it 5 years, and some 10. I've been at it for half my life. Last year, my therapist persuaded me to tell my siblings that I need help with our 2 bedridden parents because I'm past exhaustion and would either die of exhaustion or land in the hospital. I told him that they don't care. He insisted. So, I told all 7 what therapist said. Nothing. No response. Yet, when mom died a few months later, all 7 insisted on sharing the money. Never mind that I spent 23 years helping dad caregive mom, put on hold my dreams of traveling around the world. When they would visit, they were treated as "guests." I still did the caregiving, etc..

So, do not listen to your siblings. They want you to do the ass-wiping duties, but they want equal share. You just honor your father's wishes. He knows who deserves the estates among his children. Please just let him do what he wants. And remember to hop around here. (I didn't think my siblings would be like the siblings that I read here on this site. Ha! I was wrong.)
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