Mom has a medical issues. She also has dementia. My sister has not made her expectations known. She is unemployed and does not discuss her plans or expectations.There are 5 of us and 4 do not want responsibility for medical and personal care issues. There is a lot of tension between the siblings and my mom's care does not always seem to be the top priority - unless we all agree with this siblings terms of care. Financial issues are also a concern. The 4 of us that can pay for what we can do but wonder about mom's finances.

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I would check with the Alzheimer's Association to see if a social worker can guide your family in a meeting. When you add a third party to the mix, people tend to "behave" better, because family dynamics are removed. If your local Alz. Assn. can't have a social worker present for your meeting, they can at least advise you. Family mediators are a available, as well, though you'll have to pay.
It's sad, but common, that one sibling can often throw a kink in elder care. You family needs to come to some agreement (as you've said). Also, comments from cmagnum apply. Who has the POA fits into this.
Take care,
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What a mess!

First of all, who has durable and/or medical POA for your mother?

Second, is your mother's dementia too far gone for her to give a POA to someone she trusts if the POA does not exist already?

Third, if your mother's dementia is too far gone for a POA, then someone trying to become her guardian will make the tension even worse?

Fourth, it sounds like the 5th sibling might want to take care of mom so she can have some income since she is not employed and will not talk with anyone.

Fifth, what sort of care are the four of you siblings paying for now?
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