Family issues related to moving Mom into an Assisted Living Facility. I have been the full time caregiver for a long time and have provided all of her medical care and support for over 15 years off and on. This is not a complaint, but when a sibling visited 2 times a year and abused me, the caregiver, because I can't do this alone. Sundowning, up 1 to 3 nights in a row and just confused most of the day. He visits when she is having a good day and she does have good days. I have documentation of the Dementia episodes and for the most part, they are cute and not harmful. However, not sleeping takes a toll on both of us. If Mom is kept busy all day, sundowning is under control and she sleeps much better.
The second issue, my sibling wants my Mom to stay in her home of 48 years, but there are no activities or adult day care facilities within an hour. I moved her to the city where I live and have so many options. My sibling posted negative comments on Facebook. I could care less, but other people that know my Mom do not understand what is going on. He was told years ago to leave his family out of his Facebook crap. I do not want others in my Mom's or my business. Social media is harmful....
I am POA and Health POA...
I can't talk to this person, because he backed me in a corner me several weeks ago and I had to fight my way out. He could hurt me and I believe that he would, if he thought he would not get caught.
I had to block his number from my Mom's cell phone, that I pay for, because he keeps calling her, screaming, cursing and threathening, etc. Asking her for money....
He has convinced the rest of the family that I put Mom away to steal from her. I have been helping with some bill's for many years.
I don't care how he feels, but this will impact my Mom and I do not want her to suffer because of his stupidity.
Suggestions.....
I don't think our family will heal as well.
You did the right thing for mom. Let that be your solace. Brother is just being a big bully. And FB is an awful place for airing family issues!!!
I tried 2+ years ago to implement 2 day a week CGs' for mom, just a little help and some light cleaning and helping her with bathing and giving her "wheels" so she could get out of the house and not live with an egocentric bully...what a waste of time. Mom doesn't require her POA to make her decisions and he isn't POA anyway--but long story short, he shot down my ideas of help (which would have helped him, too, since mom lives with him!) and in the process just scared the bejeebers out of me. He was yelling at the top of his lungs and if my other sibs had not been here--I don't know but what he would have hit me.
No support from the other 3 sibs who sat there and let him read me the riot act. Really, guys? REALLY? They agreed with me, but not one would step up for me.
Our family is fractured, mother is slowly but surely slipping down and not doing really well and could DEFINITELY use the help, but 'it's not allowed'.
So I am the one who has to 'sneaky pete' visits to mother. I don't go often. I try to go when brother is at work, he's still scary to me.
Mother's apartment is filthy and she needs help. I am not allowed. outside help is not allowed and she isn't capable of doing much more than her basic self care.
And this is the way it will be until she dies. I don't know if our family will heal or if I even want it to. So sad.
I have a brother that for years physically intimidated me, he's a bully too, when I started hanging up on him when he got ugly, the phone calls stopped. He was so bad that I borrowed a gun to carry while I was in their town with my dad at the hospital. I was and am done being bullied because he has issues. You didn't do anything for him to say the hateful things he is saying, therefore you will not be able to do anything to change it. People that care will ask you and the ones that believe what he says, well, they can all have each other. Who wants to deal with people that won't ask what your side of the story is.
You have done the right thing, you have the authority and he can jog on.
Hugs, family issues are horrid.