Showering and activity.

Mythmara, I'm so glad that "It's time for a spa evening" worked!!

My SIL noticed that when "told" to do something, my mom generally said "no". But when told "it's time to" (have a bath, go to an activity, take meds) she usually complied!

Go onto YT and check out Teepa Snow...she is an expert on taking care of dementia patients (her older videos are longer and better)

Ooh I'd like a spa evening! 😁

So glad you have found a solution!

Remember don't over worry if some days even the nicest "spa" won't entice. Skip a day here & there. Or that day can be a Plan B day (B for 'bird bath" wash the face, hands, pits & bits).

Then there's the slightly deceptive Whoopsy, I spilt water on your shirt.. let's change that (quick wash, dry, deoderant as you do).

Or for the controllers out there:
The Choice: a QUICK little sink wash up (happy tone) or a BIG LONG hosing down (deep sargent major tone). I've never had anyone choose a long hosing down 😜

AlvaDeer is right. It's time to bring in homecare aides to do the personal hygiene care.

I was a homecare caregiver for 25 years and in that time have had many, many seniors who refused to shower or even wash up.
The choice cannot be theirs to make anymore. People have to be washed up. When they're not they can get UTI's, skin infections, skin fungus, and all kinds of other illnesses.

So, you tell your mother straight that either she lets you help her shower or paid help is going to.

If she refuses tell her that you're calling her doctor because he wants to know and he will have her put into a nursing home if she's neglecting herself or refusing help.

This usually gets a person into the shower.

There are two search options on the site:

The first option is to click on Care Topics on the top right of your screen. It gets you an alphabetic list, then you click on B for Bathing, and get drillions of professional Articles, plus questions and discussions, to read.

The second option is to click on the magnifying glass, also on the top RHS of the screen, and search for a more specific term. You will get a very long list of things that include your term.

Good luck! And lots of things to search!

It appears your is Mom is no longer fully independant with showering.

Mobility is a big reason indpendance can drop - it is easier to spot but cognition can be a huge reason.

While Mom may be physically able to perform the tasks, she may lack the ability to Initiate & Sequence the task. Impaired short term memory will result in lacking insight to when last showered.
Impaired judgement will result in lacking insight to why hygiene is important.

- Independant: performs solo
- Assistance: verbal prompts, progressing to hands-on help
- Dependant: task done by others

Mom may be mid-range. Verbal prompts are no longer working for you so it's time to try leading her into the bathroom & just start the process with her.

Don't tell her - do it with her.

PS Is Mom still living alone? Do you have a plan for the next stage?

My mom was always very vain about her appearance. She kept herself clean and put together.

As she aged she developed fears about falling. She had valid reasons to fear falling. She had mobility issues due to Parkinson’s disease.

Is your mom afraid of falling? Do you have a chair for her to sit on? Grab bars?

Also, I found that my mother did much better after I hired an agency to help with bathing. Mom was often more cooperative with others than she was with me.

You could try hiring someone to bathe her once a week and see if it works out better

Best wishes to you and your family.

I would run the bath and then tell my mom that the nice hot bath was ready for her. "It'll feel so good and relaxing". No question. It was time because the water was in the tub. She always went in for her bath that way. Otherwise she'd argue if there was a question.

You don't need to tell, you just walk her to the shower and say shower time. When she says No you say yes, I am here now to help you. You actually need to be like you would be with a toddler. Because thats how they act. Thats where their mind is. Ask her wouldn't it be nice to be clean and have fresh clean clothes on.

It may be time for a more structured and less personally involved caregiving attempt. Whether this is getting someone in to assist, or placement, you yourself acknowledge that this is medically a desirable thing.

If you are seeing signs or other signs (appetite?) that mom is disengaging (this is common) with life, then you may be looking at someone who is truly withdrawing and preparing for a longed for end. As a nurse many patients told me they wished to go, longed only for sleep and my own dad said he was more than ready for the last long nap. It may be time for palliative care or Hospice discussion with MD. Hospice would have caregivers to give at least three baths during the week.

I cannot know what else is happening, but sounds like the message here may be a larger one.