After much agony, my sisters and I have finally decided to move my mother with Alzheimers into a nursing facility. She can barely see and can't remember one minute to the next. I don't think she will even realize she is in a nursing home. I plan on telling her we are going there to visit a friend. That's all. Is that disrespectful or immoral? I have been caring for my mother 24/7 for over a year and I know that she won't understand or remember my explanation. However, if any negative feelings associated with the words, "nursing home" come up, she WILL remember those. She does remember emotions. She won't know WHY she's feeling sad or anxious. She'll just pace around all anxious. I truly believe it is more detrimental to tell her. Thoughts?
I have worked in several of them as a LPN/LVN. 1ST: I was passing meds one night and heard a weak and panicked woman's voice crying out "Help. Help. Help.", over and over. An orderly walked by her room (about 3 rooms away from me), looked in and said, "I'm sorry. I'm not your nurse." and kept walking. The cries continued so I locked up the med cart and went to her room. This poor woman was FALLING OUT OF BED desperately hanging on to her bedrail. I had that person fired.
2nd: Say your working night shift (11Pm-7AM); ANY PT that was incontinent either their bladder, bowels or both messes their body and the pad underneath them. It's 4AM. The CNA's just put another pad under the patients, did not clean them up and said that the day shift would be coming in a few hrs and THEY would bathe the poor soul and change the bedding so they felt it was a WASTE OF TIME to clean them. Look at NY, Cuomo who pulled his mother out and sent 1,000's to their death. Google some of these HORRORS that take place there & multiply by 100 since this virus hit. Families not allowed in to oversee their LO care. These people videotaped themselves and POSTED them online! Especially with living beings that can't fight for themselves. Staffers PUNCHING a patient in the face. Nurses (women) forcing 2 pts, women and men, to FIGHT til one is so beaten, they fall unconscious and if they don't fight, the nurses beat them, withhold food, water... there are 1,000s of examples. If you have ANY OTHER ALTERNATIVE, I BEG YOU, don't do this. I had been on hospice in 2013 and 2014. My son who cared for me 24/7 was burned out (I was 100% bedridden). He needed help. I was introduced to a caregiver i hired to help him and me. This woman is an angel from Heaven. She promised me she would never leave me. In 2015, I moved to Alabama to care for my dad. (Obviously didn't die. God had other ideas). Anyway, from March 2015 to Jan, 2016, I was hospitalized 4 times. Dad and I both needed help. I called my angel and said, "Lorri, I need you.". She left everything she had ever known, even her family and flew 3,000 miles to care for us in March, 2016. 5 1/2 yrs and she has kept her promise to never leave US. My dad is now 91. His ALZ is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT for us to handle as he leaves his cath bag open draining urine all over the floors. Has left garbage disposal running til it burns out, twice. He tried to help wash dishes but couldn't remember where dish cloths were, removed his diaper and washed dishes with it. He empties cath in kitchen sink a cpl times. Wakes me up several times a night with mindblowing 'stuff'. Came in naked saying someone broke into his room, stole his clothes and are waiting for him to come back so they could kill him. If you are considering a nursing home, it's expensive and you would show your love by getting them a live in, or a few hours a day. My daddy never quit on me and I will exhaust EVERY, EVERY option before putting him anywhere. Please pray and dig deep for an answer to your frustration. Other countries, less developed, do not discard their elders. 4 generations in one home is hard, but... Don't do it. PLEASE.
They sacrificed their lives for you. Is it your turn caz times are rough or inconvenient? Maybe a nursing school or college student needs part time work? A church "friend" for them. Anything but these death traps.... I am harsh with parts of this. It IS that important. God bless all in this situation, grant you peace and bring the help you need.
Please share.
There are bad experiences too when family members want the social security check to keep coming in too. My brother let Dad have accidents in bed all the time. Didn't care to clean the sheets for days.