After much agony, my sisters and I have finally decided to move my mother with Alzheimers into a nursing facility. She can barely see and can't remember one minute to the next. I don't think she will even realize she is in a nursing home. I plan on telling her we are going there to visit a friend. That's all. Is that disrespectful or immoral? I have been caring for my mother 24/7 for over a year and I know that she won't understand or remember my explanation. However, if any negative feelings associated with the words, "nursing home" come up, she WILL remember those. She does remember emotions. She won't know WHY she's feeling sad or anxious. She'll just pace around all anxious. I truly believe it is more detrimental to tell her. Thoughts?
Don’t talk about her leaving where she lives presently until you’re in the car headed there.
When you arrive ask if someone can come out to meet you. When you get to her room, hugs and “I love you” from everyone, then “Goodbye, I’ll see you soon”.
Then leave. Hopefully someone will have briefed you about how long you should stay away before your first visit.
My mother’s life was lonely after my dad died, and upon entering the SNF where she lived after a badly broken hip, she bloomed to enjoy 5 1/2 delightful years before her death at 95.
May your sweet mother’s new life be the same.
Gena / Touch Matters
-Burnoutgirl
King Solomon asked for wisdom to know everything. Read Ecclesiastes. I call him my favorite schizophrenic king. He went mad.
I had a conversation with my mother-in-law the other day about when she was going to see my sister-in-law. Saturday. How she was going to get there? What day was it today? What day is tomorrow? And then the days got all mixed up, and the conversation went in circles for an hour as she tried to get in straight in her head. Only for her to forget the next day. I didn’t bring it up again. I had learnt my lesson.
With this (like me) it would just be punishing yourself. And I’m sure the hard (albeit necessary) decision you’ve already made is punishment enough.
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