Should you move a parent with dementia every weekend to visit different children? - AgingCare.com

Should you move a parent with dementia every weekend to visit different children?

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Mother will stay 5 days with granddaughter, is it hard on Mother with dementia to go each weekend with a different child so granddaughter can get a break.

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This is a temporary solution. I know you are doing the best you can and I wish you good luck finding a better arrangement.
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Bip, if you had your druthers how would you make sure granddaughter gets time to herself and her family and still take care of grandma? This is alot for a young person with their own family to raise. And twenty four hours a day for five days is alot. If this is your daughter's calling she needs time away as well. What are the ages of her children? At some point with children's busy schedule and grandma's needs increasing another solution is going to have to be found. Sometimes moves to facilities are easier when done sooner if the course of dementia. It provides the opportunity to become accustomed to their new residence before the disease has completely ravaged their minds.
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I agree that consistency is the best thing for your your mother. You do have to find a way to balance the needs of your mother with those of her granddaughter. This is why I suggested if a weekly routine of spending the weekend at one set location would work with her. If her dementia is not too bad, she may see it as her home away from home. She might even look forward to it if it is a part of her weekly routine. Does anyone live close to the granddaughter or would it be a long drive each week?

I think giving your granddaughter the ability to enjoy her house alone (or with her hubby & children) each weekend would be wonderful caregiver support. I hope you can find something that works. It is so thoughtful that everyone is considering the needs of the caregiver in addition to the needs of the elder.
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grandaughter has cared for other elderly so she knows what is involved, think this is her calling to care for elderly. We can still take her out to dinner, church etc spending the day with her, but am thinking sleeping in her own bed each day is consistent. Mom's dementia is not real bad, but when you start doing too many changes, then the simple things that she normally has no trouble with, now is more confusing, too much on her mind then she seems more confused
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No I would not move a demented person around as suggested -- I went through all of this. It turns into a disaster -- plain and simple! The biggest problem is falling at different locations & everyone's standard of care is different -- not bad, or worse -- just different! A person who suffers "confusion" still "gets used to a certain place" & this prevents some disasters. Have the people who would "spell" the main caretaker come to visit the "confused person". They can come all day and give the other person s rest.
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BJ, I am sure the weekends have to be very confusing, probably for everybody! How far advanced is her dementia? Routine is always a benefit, but a different place to sleep two or three days a week is not even going to become familiar to someone with dementia. If this has become difficult for everyone then perhaps it may be time to look for a constant, stable residential situation for her. Would memory care be sufficient? Probably so since she is out of her home every weekend. Or would a nursing home be necessary. Is this her house? Who lives there with her? Do they have another place to live if house proceeds are necessary to pay for care?
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I know that you cannot sustain 24/7 care. I have a 43 year old son with Down Syndrome who cannot be left alone, so I know you need a break. My concern is with Mom leaving every weekend to sleep someplace else will not be consistent with her dementia issues, I thought consistency was a must. We will still work the weekend but had concerns with the travel issues with Mom. She is 93 years old and has been living in her home with our help and 2 other paid caregivers.
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Garden, I believe she meant to have the mother leave for the entire weekend so her daughter can enjoy her house for a while. I do think it is a very reasonable request if it can be worked out.
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I think it would depend on the stage of her dementia. If it's an early stage, it might be comforting, but at a later stage it might just be too confusing.

Could the grandchildren come to visit your mother instead, so at least the basic surroundings would be familiar to her? If their parents bring them, they can help you take care of your mother as well.
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It may be difficult on your mother, but your daughter needs her time, too. Much of this depends on how advanced the dementia is. If it is so advanced that she can't spend weekends away from her own home, then maybe she can stay in the home and your daughter can leave. That will not be very good for your daughter, though. Sometimes the best respite is being able to wake in our own houses without the responsibilities that go with caregiving.

Do you think it would be possible to let your mother go to the same place each weekend, so that it might become routine (if that is still possible with her)? I'm sure you'll be able to work something out with several people involved.
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