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My Mother has early stage dementia. Took her to the Dr (Senior Care) however she does not want to continue to do Dr Visits. I am the oldest of 4 and she currently appears to have resentment for other sisters, one of which is her care person during the day because this sister does not work. My Mother is a faller, therefore she cannot be left alone at any time. She does not want to leave her home (like most) she does not want any stranger in her home and refuses to take meds that can help her. She is constantly confused. (Early dementia). She continues to tell me that others sisters are taking her money, which is not true because she continues to "hide" her money. I have to then find it and insure her that her money was not taken. She also has "sundown" which means that during the evening...she has episodes of being incoherent. You could be speaking to her and she will appear that she understands...then all of a sudden...she goes into a trance saying that people are in the room sitting in a chair that is not there.


My QUESTION...should you be honest with dementia patients telling them stuff that may depress them? To what extent should you be honest? If another family members feels that my mother shows favorites, should my mother be told this?

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I agree about not giving the person with dementia bad news that will only worry or agitate them. I recall that I had to adjust to the idea that I was dealing with a person who could not process information properly, use good judgment or even recall details about things. I had to adjust my expectations of what my LO could handle. I learned to always have a quick answer that would comfort her and make her feel safe and that things were taken care of. Confronting, pleading, etc.......really aren't helpful and may just make her more confused and agitated. AND, if she is having hallucinations, I'd report that to her doctor immediately. Any change in mental status should be reported. Hallucinations can be frightening and cause the person to hurt themselves trying to escape harm or keep them from sleeping due to distress.

And, I agree that it sounds like more than early dementia from what you have described.
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I think your Mom is beyond early Dementia. I agree with Eyerishlass, it serves no purpose to confront Mom about how she treats one child different then the other. As said, she no longer can reason. Either can she probably process or comprehend. You can tell her one minute and she'll forget the next minute. Understand, that Mom maybe aware something is not right. I see no point in upsetting her over things she can no longer control. As said on this forum before, her brain is broke, actually, its dying little by little. Learn to go with the flow and don't argue with her.
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I believe people with dementia (dementia to the point where the person becomes confused and sees things that aren't there) should be told anything that will keep them calm and at peace and not be informed about infighting within the family. Your mom has no control over that and may not retain that information. If she does retain that information she may get it confused in her mind and end up thinking something totally inaccurate in which case you'll have a real problem on your hands.

The time has passed where adult siblings can go to mom and have a heart to heart about whatever is bothering them. It's an undue burden on your mom and it's selfish to want to share something like that with someone who can't reason anymore. The sibling who feels as if mom is showing favorites is an adult (I'm assuming) and should deal with that issue on his/her own like an adult. Why drag your mom into family squabbles?
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