Should we tell mom her house has to be sold? -

Should we tell mom her house has to be sold?


Mom is 101 and living in a nursing home for the past year. Although she is pretty sharp for her age, she doesn't fully understand that she will never be able to go home because she now requires 24 hour care. Every visit she mentions going home and that she will not sell her house. We have to sell it. Do we tell her? I am afraid it will crush her spirit. Siblings feel she has to know. Suggestions and ideas appreciated.



Why would you tell her? What is your siblings' reasoning?
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to jeannegibbs

My parents are both in assisted living and have different levels of dementia. I have to sell the house to pay for their care. I would not dare tell them. The AL adjustment has been tough enough. I fib, tell them I’m taking care of the house, it’s just fine,  if they bring it up.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Windyridge

I think telling or not telling elderly loved ones the truth about anything should be on a case by case basis. Many things are involved in a decision to tell them the truth such as does the person have dementia, how frail is the person, what will likely be the person's reaction, in telling or not telling will the person be disrespected in some way or will their dignity be affected.

I think not telling your mom about selling her house would be the right thing to do. Telling her would serve no purpose and as you said, might crush her spirit. But I have to wonder if you will need her signature on documents in order to sell? If so, won't she have to be told anyway?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Eyerishlass

Do not tell her. Do what you need to do to keep her safe and happy. Make sure you save some of the small mementos - photos, trinkets etc. You can take them in when you need to.

Good luck
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to BuzzyBee

I wouldn't tell her. She can't change anything and it will make her sad for no purpose. Let her have her dream of going home someday and do what you have to do to pay for her care. {{{Hugs}}}
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to blannie

Personally I don’t tell my mom anything that would upset her. I want her to be as happy as possible. I think that outweighs a need to know everything.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to rocketjcat