She just came home from being in the hospital for two weeks with a stomach bug that caused a host of other problems. The doctor decided hospice was the best thing for her. We haven't told her and don't want her to know. She does still understand what is going on sometimes. We (I) am her full time caregiver and I'm worried about her depression getting worse if she knows about hospice. We have told her the nurse comes to check her so she wont have to go back to the hospital for anything.

Find Care & Housing
Hospice does not mean death. Hospice means better and more attention/visits to the person.

If Hospice has become a "dirty word" in your home, just tell her it's Home Health Care.
Helpful Answer (14)
Reply to RayLinStephens
movingforward19 Dec 27, 2019
great advice here! hospice can be a dirty word for some families because of misinformation or bad experiences with other hospice organizations.
I wouldn’t tell her. My mom graduated from hospice twice in her 2.5 years in the NH. I never told her anything either time and the difference in her care wasn’t obvious to her. Or me either actually. I learned to try to buffer anything that would get her nervous or anxious or sad.
Helpful Answer (12)
Reply to rocketjcat
DizzyBritches Dec 26, 2019
I never knew that anyone ever “graduated” from hospice care. I thought it was purely for end of life; though I should have known that sometimes patients confound their doctors’ expectations. That’s good to know. Thank you.
I would see no need to tell her. What difference really would it make?
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to rovana

No. Why would you? My friend, who chose the Hospice facility & was the most upbeat person I ever came to know in my 64 years, sank into a deep depression when it was clearly time to go there. She lasted maybe 10 days.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to kdcm1011

Is she getting good, appropriate care?

Is she comfortable?

Do you think that telling her that she is on Hospice would accomplish something positive?

I would leave it alone for now. Sometimes, folks on Hospice improve to the extent that they "graduate" from Hospice and curative, non-palliative treatments can be tried.

If at that time her mind is clear, you can have a talk with her about the pros and cons of doing Hospice care again. I wouldn't bring it up right now.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

No need to tell her but please tell the Hospice team that mom does not know she is on Hospice.
Was the "stomach bug" ever diagnosed? Was that the reason for Hospice?
There will also be a CNA that will come in a few times a week to help bathe her and order supplies.
A social worker and chaplain may also visit.
You do not need to accept the services of the CNA, social worker or chaplain. The only one that is required to make visits is the nurse.
But having the CNA is a great help. And it does make it easy to keep the proper supplies on hand.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Grandma1954

If you tell her just tell her that this is the way to get her more care, special program and etc.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to AlvaDeer

No need to tell her. If u feel you need to say anything just say the doctor ordered Homecare. (Where I live Homecare also handles Hospice) I will be nice for you because u get an aid maybe 3x a week and some supplies like Depends.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to JoAnn29

Just a by-the-by...legally speaking, IF she is truly oriented, she has the right to know; the hospice staff also can not be told to lie. However, there is no reason to make an announcement. I would use the gentler, fairly accurate terms suggested, but be aware that direct questions from her... should be answered truthfully, and then be ready to share all the positives that you see.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Nanagin

You and only you can make that call.
You should know her better than anyone and you probably know what she would want. Some people want to know and some don't. Now if she isn't going to remember what you tell her than it would be no point in telling her. But if she knows what is going on, then she has the right to know, If you think she would want to know.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to bevthegreat

See All Answers

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter