My brother is my Mom's care. He is having cardiac surgery next week. Should we take her to see him?

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He will look bad but she wants to see him. My mom is 88 yo w Alzheimers and this brother is single and has always been with her. She will go to stay with another brother when he goes in hospital. It is very unlikely she will return home because he cannot care for her due to his health.

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SelfAdvocate, thank you for the update, sounds like your brother did well with the surgery and as you know the recovery time will take some time. He probably will miss being his Mom's caregiver, but there are changes in life where everyone needs to make changes for the best.

So glad to read that your found a wonderful place for Mom, and that the timing was perfect. As we have all read on this website, Alzheimer's only gets worse with more caregiving needed. Once your brother is up and around, eventually he can visit her as much as he likes and help her at her new home.
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Agree with Pam. Just a big NO! Mom's hubby had a hip replacement three years ago. He looked awful, Mom became despondent then agitated when trying to get her to leave. She wanted to stay and do whatever she could to help him. But, kept asking over and over and over again. This even happens when he just does not feel good at home. Drives him nutty, he needs his rest and to be left alone.
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Continued saga of care planning for mom and brother. It is clear my mother cannot go back to living with my brother. He cannot care for himself. My other sibs and I had a day together while he was in hospital and we frantically looked for Al facicilits. I remembered one where a church member is and her family loves it and he has flourished. We called, immediate visit. By divine intervention or just good luck there was one bed available on the memory care unit. It is reserved for Medicaid waiver which she will go in as. The price seemed so low we questioned it over and over. It is the price with a medicaid waiver. big private room Staff ration 1 aide for seven patients, plus medicine aide and RN on premises. It doesn't get better than that. In my job I visit patients in many facilities up to 12,00 a month. Beautiful prestigous places but at night the staging is usually 2 aides to up to 40 patients. We could not let this room go. So we proceeded to procure the bed, and the contrat has been signed. My brother in the hospital know nothing about this. He has been way too weak and not clear mentally to this point. We will not physically place her there until we have told him and he has the opportunity to visit the facility. He had an eval by a psychologist and is able to care for himself. His deficits do not prevent that. Another story. He is clear mentally and must be told before his discharge on Wed. There is a family conference on Tues, The psych advised he be told this weekend so he has time to think and digest this material. tomorrow the other 3 sibs and I will go visit him and discuss this with him. The brother who is oldest and whom he listens to wil present it logically and gently.
There is no other option. He will come to live me Wed and go home when he is independent and can drive which will be a few months
This is going to be more than a little difficult and very sad as the realization that life will never be the same hits. Thoughts prayers and comments are welcome .
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NO do not take her there. Not only will she be in a panic at the hospital, she will remain in a state of panic for several days. Sending her on a little vacation is a much better idea. Fall in PA is beautiful.
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Thnks. He is having triple bypass and is very high risk. I expect him to be hooked up to a ventilator and lots of IV etd. The night of surgery another brother and wife are taking mom home with them to Pennsylvania, thats why we thought maybe ??
I really like the flu season idea it will work.. When he is discharged he will come to my home. I do not want him to go to an empty house and he needs help understanding all his meds, diet, etc
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It depends on what type of cardiac surgery he will be having. Most surgeries are so routine that one is in and out of the hospital fairly quickly. I assume your brother will go into rehab for awhile, and who will care for him when he returns home?

As for your Mom seeing him, I would tell her he needs his rest but he would love to see her after he is out of the hospital [once he is back on his feet and looking better]. Or if she wants to go to the hospital to visit him, tell her it is the start of the flu season so children and elders cannot visit patients. It's for her safety and his.
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