Mom lives in an apartment off of our kitchen. I take care of mom every day except when a healthcare worker is here. (6 days/week 9am-2pm) The healthcare aide is employed by an agency who the state pays.
APS involved, the complaint was abuse & neglect.
Short story: the paramedics hurt my mom's shoulder/arm when they took her out of her bedroom. (I was not present) The aide was told this by my mother and myself, however, she insisted that there would be finger bruise marks if that were true. 8 days after the bruising appeared, APS appeared at my mom's door.
CPS the complaint was sexual abuse.
My teenage daughter likes to talk with the health aide. My daughter has general anxiety disorder, ocd and depression. An internet incident of a sexual nature that happened about 3 years ago has troubled my daughter and she is in therapy to help her deal with this. The aide knows my daughter is in therapy. Apparently, my daughter asked the healthcare aide "what is considered sexual abuse?" Of course she had asked this of me also. So CPS appeared at our door the same day as APS appeared at mom's door.
The only one who knew about the bruise besides my family was the aide. There is no question she is the one who called the protective services.
I'm thinking of just telling her that next time she has concerns to talk to me about them as there is often a simple explanation. (as there was in this case)
Do you think we should continue to let her care for my mom or ask for a different aide? Oh, and let's make this very complicated. Last month we rented out a small basement room to her. It is month to month.
At the very least, let her go and evict her if she reports you guys to anyone else, like the cops or the FBI or ATF or something. Three strikes she's out!
Seriously, though, I am sorry this is happening to your family. No one needs more stress in their lives right now, and having what seems to be either a wolf in sheep's clothing or a well-meaning less intelligent person literally living in your basement isn't helping.
Since this is the aide's first and only job as a caregiver, I'm not sure she's been 'taught' ANYTHING about ANYTHING, never mind how and when to call APS or CPS, etc. She may just be the type of person who feels she must be the watchdog for the world and report everything she THINKS is true, while only having a tiny fraction of the details. Lots and lots of problems can arise from such a situation, I know, a close family member of mine was reported for 'sexual misconduct' while tending to a patient's G-tube in a nursing home. A CNA saw him with his hands on the 'lower portion of the patient's body', where the G-tube was located, and decided he was 'sexually abusing her' and reported him. He had to spend $3k on an attorney, was fired from his job, and later found to be 100% innocent. And all because a very inexperienced young person 'thought' she saw something she didn't and felt 'compelled' to 'do the right thing'.
There is a very, very fine line between 'doing the right thing' and making absolutely sure you have ALL the facts before trying to ruin someone else's life.
Get rid of her. And best of luck
As mandated reporters, we are taught to err on the side of "call it in" and let the professionals sort out the details.
At least in my professional situation, just to get the reporting agency to actually take a report, you need to have a great deal of persuasive evidence.
If you want to switch aides, fine. But don't do it because the aide was doing her job as she's been taught to do it.
How old is your daughter? It seems she must have felt comfortable with the worker to have offered that comment. As a mandated reporter, I'm not sure how the worker could have justified it if she didn't report it. She sounds honest to me.
Also, if the state is paying her, I'd explore all details about that, before you terminate. Also, explore how you renting to her is impacted by the law. I'd actually get a legal consult about it.
The state is paying a local agency who, in turn, employs the worker.
We have had a friendly relationship with the aide. She knew that my daughter is in therapy. I feel that she should have mentioned her concerns to me about my mother's bruise and what my daughter asked her. Perhaps I'm wrong? That's why I posted here. I feel betrayed by her.
It appears as though there is a lot of blurring of boundaries going on in this relationship with the aide.
I think she was way out of line to get involved with your daughter and report her. If you do keep her, I'd have a very frank conversation with her and establish boundaries that don't include your daughter's concerns. That's beyond the scope of her employment.
I'd also give her an eviction notice and get her out of your house. Not to be critical, but I can't understand why you would want this person in your house, especially after the complaints she made. Is she manipulative? Manipulating you? Who raised the issue of her living there?
Get her out ASAP, but do so in compliance with your state's eviction proceedings. And be present when she packs and leaves.
Even if you do keep her on as an aide, allowing her to live in your home opens you to so many potentially undesirable situations. What if she wants to bring her friends over? Do you want that kind of traffic in your home?
I suspect there's more going on here, including the possibility that the aide might not have been able to get employment through an agency and defaulted to the State. Just my opinion, but I'm not convinced that a state agency would be as competitive and choosy as a private sector company would be.
Also, exactly what ARE her responsibilities as an aide? I'm assuming that finances are a concern and that's why you've gotten a state aide as opposed to a private sector aide?
Yes, there is a money issue which is why we are renting the basement apartment.
This is her first job as a healthcare aide, although she claims she took care of her in-laws (she's newly divorces) Yes, she is manipulative and a know it all.
At first I thought the renting to her was a "God-send" especially since the COVID -19 has resulted in a 25% cut in my husbands pay. Now I'm not so sure.
Talk with legal counsel and find out how to do this so she can not have any legal recourse to fight you.
Personally I don't think I could be civil to anyone that just traumatized my little girl further. I would not be a pleasant adversary in that situation. She could do untold harm because she thinks she is the smartest person in the room. She just made it unsafe for your daughter to ask questions.
Her doing this seems like a power play, so be very careful dealing with her. If possible record interactions, never be alone with her and make sure that you change all the locks if she has had access to the keys.
You won't have any problems renting the space out. People are always looking for a single room at a livable rate. This arrangement gives her to much access to your family's personal life and she has abused that.
Protect yourselves and find out how to get rid of her. Remember that if she gets fired she probably won't be paying rent, so plan your steps wisely while keeping your eyes on her. This sounds malicious.
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