My grandmother has Alzheimer's and Dementia and lives in Russia. I hired help/nurse to take care after my gradma since I live in the US and cannot take care of her personally. I would say my grandmother is in the late stage of dementia.
So, my grandma cannot brush her teeth, cannot wipe down her hands, hardly can wipe her private parts and cannot wash her face. E.g. nurse gives her a towel and tells her to wipe down hands and my grandmother has NO IDEA what she is being asked to do. Absolutely no idea. She just holds the towel and either does nothing or starts doing something else. Likewise for other simple things like putting socks or sweater on. But sometimes if told in commanding voice she does it.
Question: do we need to keep pushing/encouraging her to do things by herself or should we just give up and start doing things for her? It does appear to me that my grandmother is just being lazy sometimes and choses not to do things. Also, encouraging her takes toll on nurses. I see that because they have to tell my grandma to do things in commanding voice, otherwise my grandma won't do a thing. And talking like this all day is not easy.
Thank you.
P.S. There is no option for memory care where my grandma lives.
There is no rhyme or reason to Dementia. Mom forgot how to put toothpaste on the brush but she remember what the brush was for. She knew what a washcloth was for but forgot how to wash herself. If having her do for herself frustrates her or the aides, I would just tell the aides do it for her. Its not like a stroke where by doing you are reprograming the brain. You grandma's brain is dying little by little. And as each part dies, she loses that function. Eventually the part of the brain that effects breathing and heart dies and so will grandma.
From your discription of Grandma I think she needs skilled nursing. Here in the US we have Medicaid to help with the cost.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gLrH8mioCw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKT9YIVPREE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU60us7yb-A
After washing moms hands they can give her a towel to hold then they can sort of hold moms hands so the hands get dried but mom is holding the towel.
But as far as cleaning herself after toileting. Aides should be cleaning her.
Oral care, aides should be doing that. If they want to let mom hold the toothbrush after they are done that would be fine.
Eating, they should allow her to feed herself but sit and encourage her to chew, swallow, then take a drink. I would go so far as to gently rub the side of the cheeks to move any pocketed food. If she stops eating they should help feed her BUT when she keeps her moth closed or turns her head they should not force her to eat more.
Grandma is not being lazy..if the aide gives her a towel to dry her hands it can take as long a 45 - 60 seconds for her mind to process "what do I do with this towel?" And in late stage it may take even longer to process.
Late stage I am surprised she is even attempting to dress herself. She is doing better than my Husband was in his late stage.
What is available for her if there isn’t any memory care?
Please allow the nurse to do things for her that she can’t do on her own. She doesn’t deserve being yelled at.