My best friend's mother remarried at 80 to a rich narcissist 10 years ago who no longer wishes to pay for care for her as we all agreed. He is abusive and threw a neighbor to the ground giving her a concussion and she is pressing charges. He has always been abusive but we did not know until last year when other past incidents came to light. For better or worse, isn’t the husband monetarily responsible for end of life care for his wife? We were so happy that she would not be alone and had someone to play music with and to care for her. He has always expressed his ability and desire to take care of her until death as he clearly can afford it. As she has aphasia after a stroke last year, it is like charades but we have no issue with that. He is trying to get us to take her but not willing to compensate and says sell her house to pay for care. They have a prenup and we are almost certain he has manipulated her last will and monetary funds to his advantage as he refuses to produce documents, will, prenups and anything else. The grand jury is meeting to see if he will be charged and sued by the neighbor he assaulted as she was trying to help Ms. Joyce who was found wandering in the road when he left her alone one day. I believe both charges and suing will happen as there is plenty of evidence. He is getting older and i feel a mental evaluation is fitting. We don’t want any of his things just for him to provide for her end of life care as verbally planned all along. They both told us when both were completely coherent, that she was taken care of if anything happens. Isn’t the husband responsible for end of life care especially if he's a millionaire in Texas? We live week to week and enjoy taking care of Joyce but would need compensation, to live in her unoccupied house that is meant for us, and some outside help as 24 hour care is required. Thoughts?
2. A net worth of a million dollars isn’t huge in Texas.
and FWIW the OPs town of Boerne and its surrounds is very much high income net worth area as it has outfall of folks from both Austin and San Antonio for wealth. If the lady’s house is there, her property value is crazy high; if she has acreage that her house is on its even crazier higher prop value as folks in Austin & SA with $ want to build to create their high end ranch-house and out buildings. And not necessarily as a primary. This isn’t DB Horton builds but more bespoke architectural firm design and build. Whole swath above 1604, to outside of MoPac to up 2 Fredericksburg is big time big $ development.
Could be why the old rooster has zero inclination to pay for his spouse. Her own property could be serious bank.
I’m guessing it is as OP said the hubs has said “sell the house” with the inference being plenty of $ to pay for care in a facility.
Plus if it’s constantly having nonfamily running interference, who it seems are expecting to live in the home, yeah, he’s bailing & probably filing to waive spousal support if it wasn’t included in their prenupt.
OP fails to realize is if somehow he has to do spousal support, he can get her placed in a top notch facility over in nearby Menger Springs with aphasia speciality care, plus easily get someone to turn her home in Boerne into an AirBnB and it’s even more $ for him to use for spousal support. OP will get booted out. Boerne’s become this cute lil town on a river filled with day trippers with $ most weekends.
She advised him that she knew nothing about it and that her brother (my DH) was handling everything to do with FIL's estate and he would have to contact him. He did not ask for any contact information for the record.
Several weeks ago I got a friend invite on FB - which I ignored.
He showed BACK up at the house - SIL did not answer the door.
Why am I telling you any of this?
Did my FIL tell this man he could have these things? Maybe. Who knows. My FIL had dementia before he passed away. He may have promised this man his house for all we know.
This man could also be making every single word of it up.
My point - verbal agreements mean nothing for that exact reason. There is ZERO proof and nothing legally documented.
The only legally binding document that my DH is required to adhere to is my FIL's will - that has been filed with the courts. And this friend is mentioned exactly - NOWHERE. He won't be getting those items (never mind they are firearms and he has a criminal history and he has been shady about the whole thing - but that's another story).
Whether your friend's mother's husband is legally required to provide for her care is one issue. Whether he will provide for her care by compensating you and your friend, providing a home and outside care to relieve you based on a verbal agreement - is an entirely different conversation - and you've already said you call in to question HIS mental competence - if that is the case - he might not even be competent enough to enter into a legal written contract with you at this point, much less be morally held to a verbal assertion.
Here is the problem. I'm envisioning that you all sat down and had this conversation together. Words like "taken care of" "we'll take care of you" "we promise" were thrown out. They both told you that she was taken care of.
But clearly if you and your friend have stepped in that isn't entirely true.
There are entirely too many unanswered questions.
Who is her POA? Is it millionaire hubby? It is your friend? How ironclad is the prenup and what did it provide for her as far as retirement and long term care? I think that may be the term you are looking for instead of "end of life" because it doesn't exactly sound like she is dying right now. She could conceivably live for a long time. When I think of end of life, I think palliative or hospice, terminal.
What IS your role here? You are assisting her child in providing care from what I can tell. But you don't stand to inherit anything - the "home that was meant for us" would not be yours. It would at best - belong to her child - unless this is not your friend but your significant other or future spouse.
Realistically - the answer to your question is whether or not they mingled their finances - plain and simple. And your friend's mother really needs a legal advocate who understands elder finances, Medicare, Medicaid, Long Term Care, and her prenup. Depending on the prenup and whether they co-mingled their finances - his finances may not owe her any long term care at all, regardless of what he told any of you verbally. Did he put her name on the deed to their home they share when they got married, is her name on the deed to the house that is unoccupied, is her name on the bank account, does she have long term care insurance?
My biggest question is why isn't her daughter sitting down and talking to her mother about her long term care planning? While I realize that she has aphasia - you did mention that she can communicate in other ways. And while you have concerns that he has manipulated her will and monetary funds to his advantage - she is still alive - she can still have a say in what is happening if she has not been declared incompetent/incapacitated -in which case the POA would be invoked.
I would seek legal counsel on this situation because a prenuptial only comes in to play at divorce and you don't want to inadvertently do something that causes her to lose his support.
Best of luck, this is a sad but common situation with older marriage.
I wouldn't touch ANY OF THIS with a 10 foot pole.
You have no rights, no qualifications and are not family.
By the way, verbal planning is as good as worthless.
If someone is rich they are almost always rich enough to afford the best attorney and to never pay any judgements against them.
Your best friend should consult an attorney before taking up the cudgel for her mother who apparently made, at 80s, a pretty bad decision in hubby material.
I wish them luck. You should do the same.
Listen to the stories and don't interfere. Direct your friend to good, qualified, and professional help.
Speak with an elder attorney on this matter. It sounds complicated.
Or walk away from it entirely. The law is already involved.
Best of luck in resolving this matter.
You and best friend are taking care of his/her mother and you expect to acquire her house? Who said it was meant for you? Are you and your best friend in a romantic relationship? Did either of you agree to provide hands-on care for Joyce?
Color me hngctbcxftujbhm???