Should the patient be told that he/she has Alzheimer's?

ive had no problem explaining memory illness to a patient but it needs to be at a time when they are themselves lamenting about their horrible short term memory . it is at this time that they are legitimately asking for a reason for their forgetfullness .. i just tell them their brain is old and compromised like all of their organs at that age .. they are very receptive to such an explanation at this time ..

How old is your mom? Does she have other health conditions? My parents put together POA and other documents when they were in their late 60s as a precaution against untoward events. I am about to turn 61 and see the wisdom in doing this. Can you appoach mom with a general age-related concern that "she's not getting any younger" and that documents need to be executed? A lot depends upon the level of trust your mother has in her children. My MIL resisted POA until the very end, and then it was too late for anyone to help her.

My experience was mom had total denial when we would talk about it. She would tell me "doctor never said that". Even when we returned to dr and he held her hand and said it to her, she denied it. It was very sad and heartbreaking to watch and this was a physician she trusts. She refused to take the meds prescribed because she knew they were for memory loss.

I would try to rush around, talk to her by bringing it up, to nail down plans, etc. but for my mom and hindsight it was wrong approach. I lost time, frustrated and scared her and frustrated and panicked myself.

This was over a year ago and she is for the most part doing better then expected. I would say, you can bring it up once, but don't dwell on it other than to frequently tell them you love them, reassure them you will be there to help and that you want to help them anyway you can. Let it rest. At your soonest opportunity DO make sure DPOA, AMD, estate plan is in place. If you can, understand the finances of your loved one, insurance, etc. that is important. Research the disease, research some care facilities in their area or your area and visit a few. Pair down and then visit one or two with your loved one.

Lastly, and most important, have a good discussion with your loved one and understand what they want in their future. Don't be surprised if you have to revisit that conversation often. My mom wants to die in her house and never go to "one of those places". I can't promise that but I no longer tell her "well you're going there, I can't take care of you". It makes her mad and she denies that to. So what I do say is "mom, I promise to do everything we can to keep you in your home as long as we are able ok?" I tell her, we'll find some care to come in when the time comes to help you manage--is that ok?". It calms her and reassures her. I dread when that time comes, because she's refused all help I've arranged to make her life easier (granted it was to make me feel better). Likely, she will have to be placed in memory care in the future.

For now she is managing, it's not perfect, but I know everyday she tries really hard to stay healthy and mentally sharp as possible. I ALSO know, that she knows, that she has some dementia and memory impairment. --without my reminding her or scaring her every time she forgets something, repeats something or is confused.

Be patient, do your homework, help your LO prepare and understand this is a rocky road that you can journey together. Help your LO and other family members understand all the options for the future and prepare so that there isn't panic or disagreement in the future.

Good luck.

Our technique with mom with dementia is not to tell her anything too far in advance; it just upsets her.

I have been involved in many situations of this nature, having worked in nursing homes 40 some years. I can tell you there is no "blanket" answer to this because every situation is different. If it were my family member, I would very carefully, and only after talking to the Dr., have to Dr. with me to tell the person about the diagnosis. I would then ask if she/he had any questions; offer as much information as the person is able to process and be extremely supportive to the person's feelings. The only reason I would tell the person as soon as possible after diagnosis is in case he/she would want to make any arrangements of any kind including but not limited to, making a will, maybe even a video to say what they would want to say to those they love or anything they may want you to remember. Their memory is going to slip away, bit by bit and there is no cure at this time. It starts in the frontal lobe and each stage they go into goes farther back in the memory. The most recent memories will be gone and no matter what you try to do, it will only frustrate the person with the disease because they will not be able to recall what you want them to. One thing to remember is that they CANNOT be in reality any longer so you must get into their world to communicate with the person. It's called Validation Therapy. You "validate" where they are in their mind. You get into their world because they can no longer get into yours. This is not their fault and it's not yours either but the more you TRY to get the person to "remember" any recent events, the more they will shut down. They will not be able to believe what you are telling them because there is no recall. Imagine going back 10 years and not knowing anything of the future. This is what it is like for them. With each stage they go back further in their memory. This is why you hear them ask for the little kids or their mom and dad. That will tell you how far back they are. You may even see glimpses of the person they used to be and you may start thinking they are getting better but then they slip back into the past and there is nothing you can do to bring them back to reality again. It's like a spark plug that may kick in for a bit and then not work again.

Telling my mother didn't go over well at all, but it was necessary at the time. At first, when she started 'slipping', I'd mention it to a few people who saw her from time to time, to get their take on things. She kept getting worse over the next year, and I sat her down one day and asked if she felt like she was getting more forgetful. She looked puzzled, and said "Not really." I thought that was interesting, because I read that many people do realize something's going on, but to this day, 2 years or so later, she believes that she's fine, and everyone else is trying to 'take her life away.'
Every couple of months over the past year or so, she gets another clue that she's not well. Last summer, her t.v. provider was switched, and the process of turning in her cable boxes, learning the new remote, etc., was so overwhelming for her that I had to take a day off work, drive down, and walk her through it. Last October, we had to pay for a 'cease and desist' letter from an attorney because of an unsound financial move she tried to make. She went to a neurologist for the first time in December 2013, and he prescribed Aricept. In March, 2014, her community library 'fired' her as a volunteer because she wouldn't comply with their rule of not using their stepladder, and she was getting worse and worse with organizing the books. And in June, her drivers license was suspended.
None of these events do anything to convince her that anything is wrong with HER. It's everyone else who's being mean, vindictive, 'stabbing her in the back' as she says.
Anyway, I'd say in our case, she needed to be told in order to get the ball rolling on more medical care for her, and we needed to get more involved in caring for her as well. But emotionally, some people handle it much better than others.

I dearly hope that if I develop Alzheimer's, someone will tell me while I'm still able to make decisions.

I believe my mother does realize that she's experiencing lapses. However I think she's pretending that everything's fine.
The other issue I now experience is keeping her engaged. She does not focus on any activity. The whole day either she just sits quiet or repeats the same thing over. I have tried all means to keep her mind engaged but she won't. Tried to buy her books she used to enjoy reading. She doesn't understand what's going on in TV. I have no clue how to keep her mind engaged.

I debated whether to tell my mother-in-law she has Alz. I decided to tell her when she asks me why she can't remember anything anymore (for the hundredth time) that her memory is either 'gunny sack' or in 'the crapper' or 'AWOL'. I know she won't remember what I tell her anyway, so I change it up. ha

jlakhani, since she "doesn't understand what's going on in TV" she may do better with DVDs of old shows she liked to watch. My husband could follow those better since they have no disruptive commercials, they contain familiar characters, and he has seen the plot before. Short shows were especially good. He liked Hogan's Heroes and the Sherlock Holmes series and even old black and white Dragnet episodes. Would your mom like I Love Lucy? Lawrence Welk? Try one DVD of an old show and see if she can follow it. My husband also loved nature and travel DVDs. Looking at views of the Grand Canyon doesn't require following a plot. Lots of folks who can't follow a plot still enjoy sports on tv, especially if they followed sports in the past.

My mother did crosswords all her life. Now she can only do easy ones in large print, so we supply those. This isn't a time to start a new activity but a familiar activity with reduced complexity might work. A person who used to do 1000 piece jig saws might now like puzzles with 300 large pieces.

Does she like to look at photo albums? Both my mother and husband loved someone to sit with them when they did this, and both enjoyed it very much.

Social interaction is good, often in small doses. Chatting with a visitor for 15 minutes is usually pleasant and involves a different kind of engagement.

A change of scenery is often good. Folding towels on the patio or porch offers a nice change of view in good weather.

My mother seems to like sorting things. While she was waiting for someone to get her started on a beading project at the NH she happily sorted beads by color. I've given her a small basket of colorful socks that she can pair up and fold, and do it all over again the next day. Some people like sorting coins. I think I'll gather some buttons for Mom to sort.

My mother isn't reading books anymore, but she still enjoys her magazines, especially with lots of pictures. She has a few subscriptions and the NH has lots of them circulating around. She also loves catalogs of novelty items and nick-nacks, etc. Even though she hasn't had a yard for decades, she can laugh at silly lawn ornaments.

When any of her four daughters visit the NH we take Mom for a walk in the neighborhood in her wheelchair. She is interested in seeing gardens growing and noticing a tomato go from small green to large red and then be gone because it was harvested. (We have to point these things out to her, but she gets a kick out of it.)

You need to get into her world and try to figure out what might be interesting there.