Mother is 100.9 years old and lives in a nursing home. She broke her hip, had surgery and went into the nursing home at age 98.2. She now eats very little and has mild dementia. It was suggested that if I enroll her in Hospice, she would qualify for more services to improve the quality of her life even though death is not imminent, so I did so.
My older sister has had an extremely contentious relationship w/Mother and the rest of the family for many years. She does not communicate with any family members including son and granddaughter. She was told when Mother went into nursing home almost three years ago and since then has been to visit approximately 3 times. Cards on birthdays and holidays are sporadic and mostly non-existent. She has not reached out to me, her younger and only sibling, to inquire about Mother's health until a few weeks ago. At that time it was a text "so, how's Ma". I told her if she really wanted to know, she should come visit, which she did. Apparently, when she was there, she noticed on Mother's calendar when the Hospice nurse signed in. After the visit I rec'd a text asking about it. I confirmed, that yes I had done that.
Now I have rec'd several text messages from her irate because I did not let her know and telling me I have no right to judge her interest in our Mother's care or well-being. Well, I am not judging. In my life experience when someone is interested in anything, they make time to visit, call, inquire, etc. which is NOT what has happened in this case. She didn't contact Mother by phone or visit when she was well and it's the same now.
If Mother had a diagnosis of imminent death, she would be contacted; just as she was when Mother broke her hip.
I guess I am looking for any input that folks may have or experience with similar situations. I am now feeling guilty about this, which is of course just what she wants...