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Mom had to move in with me 3 yrs ago.Doctor said that it was i had to have help with her and my sister promised she whould help out on her day's off from her CNA job.my sister started telling other's that she worked all day in a nursing home and damn if she is gonna have it on her day's off....sad to say i been with no time out with mom and all mom's tell's me that it's all my fault that she can't live in her on home and that i need to change doctor's no matter what i do for my mom she won't more.i finally after 2yrs on a waiting list have her going to adult day care.good lord she tells me that this is not right for her to go up there 5 yrs a day.she won't to go live with my sister and know that mom has help my sister wonts her to come live with her but she works all the time and she hasn;t helped me none with mom..the doctor said mom don't need to smoke and my sister had me on the phone telling mr to take some of her meds away so mom can smoke..OmG i brake down and get her cigs and she done smoked them up in the night time..i worry she might forget her cig at night so i just dont give no more .DR even said no..mom has me to the point that she just know say she doesnt wont to be here and wonts to go there with the sis that doesnt help.and makes me feel so bad about everything is my fault ...i really dont wont to put her in a home but i kinda feel that it might be the best for me and my girls..my 25 yr old has M.S. but she live's on here own.and my 15 yr old need's me too.i love my mom with all my heart but she is killing me i lost weight and been stressed out due to her alzt what to do her???? help

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Angie, You said your Mom goes to adult day care for 5 hours? Can you increase that to 8 hours, 5 days a week? What about transportation to and from? Can you get transportation? Where we live in TN, there is the bus that human resources provides. In some instances, insurance will pay for that if you live a certain distance away. Most cases the cost is minimal. I truly understand your situation but maybe increasing the hours and days in adult day care would relieve you some. Most nursing facilities are so under-staffed that the patients lie there and don't get much attention. I would also ask for a meeting with your siblings and demand that they help out at least one day a week. It's their mother also. There has to be another answer besides a nursing home unless your Mom has truly gotten to the point where she is in the last stages of Alzheimer's disease, falling, doesn't recognize anyone or choking when swallowing. Even then, there are other resources you can get such as home health nurses, sitters or respite care. Please call your Care Coordinator or Social Worker or the local Area on Aging and get some answers on how you can get some help.
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thank you both for getting back on this ...thank God i finally found a site on here it really has been helping me .i know i am not alone,some people here are having it worse than me..right know i am just tring to decide on this ....thanks.
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Angie,

I think you have already answered your own question. You already have your hands full with .15 yr old that has A.D.H.D and a 25 yr old who has M.S.

-and she lives on here on..my 15 yr old has A.D.H.D.

Your mother has Alzheimer's/dementia and it sounds like it is time for her to go to a nursing home or you will end up being a basket case yourself and your two girls don't need that. Take care of yourself. Take care of your family. Make sure mom is taken care of and safe, but not at the expense of throwing yourself and your girls under the bus.
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ANGIE:

So Mom wants to go live with the CNA sister that doesn't help, wants to have a life outside work, and will let her smoke? Forgive me if I sound like a Devil's Advocate, but I'd help her pack. Let sis get a taste of what it's like since she'd rather pacify Mom by driving a wedge between the two of you. Besides, it's been three years since the life started draining out of you. Take your life back honey. ... All of it.

-- ED
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