Generally with dementia, the sooner the move the better. As the disease progresses adapting to new places and routines becomes harder. Even if your parents can afford a lot of in home care, your mother's life and health will be sacrificed caring for your father in the home. In AL or a retirement village, your mother can continue a life that includes friends and outings knowing your father is supervised and cared for in her absence. Almost no one can provide 24/7/365 for an end stage dementia patient. As someone who watched my mother's life and health degrade caring in the home for my father with vascular dementia, I strongly recommend you encourage your mother to move now.
You should take that house off the market before someone gets their hopes up and puts in an offer. Un necessary confusion for buyers. And sometimes realtors can be so pro -getting it sold that is all they think about. Now, having said that I hope I don't or didn't step on anybodys' toes and not all realtors are like that but...when in doubt it might be more difficult to make good decisions because of the emotional attachments. Sellers remorse is a real thing and you can't undo. Can you look into some home health to help along the way. She will probably be ready to move at some point and she needs to take care of her health too. There are a lot of good people here with more experience than me. Just went and reread about the retirement village. Won't they let them take their cat and will there be a garden area? sorry I can't help you more. take care.
Hi there thanks for reply. I’m their daughter. The thing is their house is on the market... not yet sold. They have a deposit on an apartment in a retirement village with hospital at village if needed. Is a wonderful place. But mum is starting to wonder if moving dad is the right thing. She can cope on her own with him. But worrying that it may be too upsetting for dad to move him from his home/garden/cat! He already gets disoriented at home... will moving make him worse. What if he doesn’t like it there and wants to go home and can’t??? Should they stay at home and let him live out his days there -so long as she can cope or should she move to something completely unfamiliar to dad. What is the right thing for a person with quickly advancing dementia?
It depends. Is your mom able to/want to be a full-time caregiver without any other outside help from family? If not and you don't want to orbit them as the care needs increase, then they can find a care community that has all levels of care, new friends, activities, transportation, etc. Your mom can be in independent living with your dad. She can up the care as needed and be in a community of people, of her own choosing. And her family won't be fretting about if they are getting the help they need or learn that things are out of control without warning.
Can you look into some home health to help along the way. She will probably be ready to move at some point and she needs to take care of her health too. There are a lot of good people here with more experience than me.
Just went and reread about the retirement village. Won't they let them take their cat and will there be a garden area?
sorry I can't help you more.
take care.