My mother is 97 years old and currently still lives by herself. My sister and I think that is no longer an option and are trying to decide which one of us my mother should live with.
My sister (66 yrs old) is married, owns a 2 bedroom Ranch house, and is currently experiencing back problems. She is semi-retired and likes to get out of the house on a daily basis.
I am single (63), rent a 2 bedroom Ranch house, and had my right lung removed 5 years ago due to cancer. I have a full-time job, but I work from home. I am a true "home body" and usually only go out once a week for groceries.
How do we decide whose home is better for Mom? On one hand, my sister's husband would be able to help with anything physical if necessary. And although my life would probably be impacted the least, it is extremely hard for me to breathe, and my physical capability is very limited.
We have asked my Mom to choose, but she will not. She says that the daughter that she does not move in with will be hurt/mad. We have told her numerous times that this is not the case, but she doesn't believe us.
My sister and I never seem able to come up with a solution, and I haven't told her that I don't think I could physically handle/help my mother. I feel guilty not being able to do physical things, and I worry that I would not be able to handle whatever care will be needed. But it isn't fair that my sister assumes all the responsibility. So we tend to go back and forth about things (peacefully) and nothing gets solved.
My mother's dementia is getting worse and we think that all she does all day is sleep. The one thing we agree on is that she should not be on her own any longer. But who should she move in with?