Dad is 85 and can barely care for himself. They live in a two story house. The stairs are right by mom’s bedroom. Dad wants to bring mom home but can’t afford full time nursing care. He’s already complaining about being exhausted from going back and forth to the nursing facility. I’m recovering from spine surgery and just returned to work. I live in NJ. Going back and forth daily to PA after work is not realistic. Also I’m the step daughter so at the end of the day the decision is not up to me but dad & my sister. My sister lives in England. But I’m concerned that whatever decision is made, the responsibility to make sure they are safe will fall on me.

Their friends who live on their block are elderly so we can’t expect them to help if mom comes home.

What should I do?

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The best place for Mum is where she can get 24/7 care. Dad can not provide that.
Helpful Answer (3)

She will fall no matter where she is and according to you, it could be down a flight of stairs at home.

Encourage dad to go every other day. This is his new normal and it will be lonely for him. It will take its toll and be difficult for both of them but not nearly as much as him trying to care for her 24 hours a day.

Find ways to get dads mind off his wife's absence. Try to get him to socialize, if possible.

Tough situation, always. Hugs!
Helpful Answer (2)

So the woman is ur stepmother? You need to talk to ur sister and tell her what is going on. She is only hearing Dads side. Tell her that because of your back and just getting back to work, you are not going to be able to see them everyday. That Mom will need more care than Dad can give, and there are the stairs. In your opinion, Mom needs 24/7 care.

I live in SW NJ
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