So my mom is a former nurse which makes medical conversations tough. She moved in a year ago and before that she lived with us for a year before thinking she wanted to live on her own again.
Over the past couple years it would seem she has lost some cognitive capabilities which we attributed to being older. Lately (last year or so) we have noticed mobility issues. She shuffles her feet instead of taking steps but not all the time. She can be sitting in a chair but then will slump over to one side and can't hold herself up. Once we get her back up she is ok. Its not all the time which is why this is hard to understand.
I've brought up going to a doctor but she insists she does. She is a diabetic and insists her diabetic doctor is looking at everything. I don't think the doctor really is. The doctor prescribes anti-anxiety pills and my mom is taking them as well.
Such a hard situation as when I bring it up she gets defensive and combative. I just want her to be ok but realize there might be more going on. Any support or help is greatly appreciated.
She was very angry at me and embarrassed when she started to feel better be cause her secret of canceling appointments was out. She still gets ruffled but she is alive.
A) Do you have POA. As a nurse I would think Mom would recognize the importance of documents in place for her health care directives, for her care if she needs it, for her will and etc. I could be wrong.
B) Time for an honest talk. "Mom, start with I love you and I am concerned. I will say all of this once and only once, but I need you to listen to me. This is what we are seeing. Whatever is causing it, it is not normal. You need to see a doctor and have this assessed. If you do not, nature will take its course, and when you are in the hospital you WILL be assessed. We want to be of a support to you. If you will not allow us, then we cannot, we can only love you".
Basically that is it. Your Mom is not incompetent, but something is up and that is for SURE. My brother denied his Lewy's for a long time, but he knew something was up. Because Lewy's is in its early stages a come and go sort of thing, he was able to ignore it. He finally did tell me about his dreams that weren't dreams but were hallucinations, knowing they were different.
Once diagnosed we were able to discuss his symptoms, he was able to make me POA and Trustee of Trust and take over all his payments and other business, a huge relief. He was able to make his own decision about selling his beloved little home and moving into ALF. He remained in charge. Happily (and I truly FEEL that to my core now) he died before he had to take the long slow slide down that both he and I knew was coming, and both dreaded.
I tell you this story because my first knowledge was a call from the ER after his bad car accident asking if I knew he was hospitalized in Southern Ca (I live in No. Cal). This may be the way of it if your mother persists in ignoring your advice, but the truth is that you cannot "force her" to do anything.