My mother has been very recently diagnosed with vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s. She is 66. She lives alone about 2 miles from me and my husband. She is finally living her own life as she was taking care of my grandmother until she passed last October. My mom has always taken care of someone else up until June when she moved out of my grandmothers home and began living in her own home - this is supposed to be her time.
We’re noticing a big change in her: short term memory loss, repeating herself, not following stories, lack of apathy, she gets startled easily, she fell and shattered her elbow. It has been an exhausting fight to get her to doctors and it’s all fallen on me. I’m exhausted and heartbroken. I was told she has vascular dementia, typically patients don’t live so long with vascular dementia in comparison to other forms of dementia...average life after diagnosis 4 years.
My brother is flying home to go to the dr with me to tell my mom...however, I’m not sure this is the right decision. I’m wresting with the fact that she lives alone, I need to become her POA with her finances and health and put her money in my name in case she lives long enough to get Medicaid - NYS has a 5 year look back. I can’t do these things without her knowing she’s sick.
My mother is not someone who faces issues, she lives with her head in the sand. This is how she got vascular dementia - untreated high blood pressure for probably 20-25 years. The dr has mentioned dementia in front of her but she ignored it.
Shes likely in the earlier stages, still driving, etc. My reasons for telling her is it is her right to know though I know she doesn’t want to know, to get her money in my name to protect her, because she lives alone which complicates things a lot. If she were married and taken care of in not living alone, I would not tell her.
Any advice is hugely appreciated. I’m lost and so confused. This has completely fallen on me.