My dad lives by himself in a side by side duplex. He's 85, partially blind and has dementia. He prefers to stay where he's living and is opposed to assisted living. His type of dementia benefits from social interaction. I live 28 miles away and moved out because he was verbally and physically abusive. His next door neighbors have really become involved in giving him something to do which I appreciate but, they both are convicted felons. One was in prison for over 25 years and is a registered sex offender who raped, and kidnapped a girl when he was 23, he's now 56. The other one was convicted of manufacturing meth and stealing cash from her grandmother. They both are "nice people" and my dad knows the man was in prison but doesn't know why. Earlier this year a friend of the man's conned my dad out of $20 but it was refunded to him about a month later. I'm my dad's guardian and control his money. He wants cash on hand at all times and because of what I know I'm hesitant to give him more than $40 or so. I go over to his house and do laundry every week but a few times he's told me that he's paid them to do it. He doesn't really have the funds to do that especially when I do it for free. My questions are is he safe with them next door? Do I move him even though he insists that he wants to stay there? Do I tell him what I know about his neighbors? They just moved her grandma in with them (I'm not sure if it's the same one she stole from) and my dad and grandma have developed a friendship. She's 96 years old. I believe that people can do bad things and change but I don't know about using my dad to test that theory. What are your thoughts?

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I am relieved that you have control of the money and I would be certain to keep it that way. I assume your Dad has no credit or debit cards that you are not managing. I would keep close watch on them if any. Your father is aware that the man was in prison. I don't know that I would go further than that unless you want to tell him that you did look him up and do have information if your father wants it. This man has apparently "paid his debt to society" as was directed by the courts (I know, I know, that doesn't always really mean anything at all, does it). Your Dad likes the elder Mother and enjoys he company. Given he is quite protected I would just be certain that it remains that way, keeping only small amount of cash on hand with your Dad. If he insisted on MORE then I guess I would level with him about your current worries.
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I think it's interesting that my only question was if I should tell my dad about his neighbors and all of you decided to answer a question that wasn't asked.
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freqflyer Jan 2021
Many of us here have long time experience with elders and their needs. Your Dad's dementia may seem ok for now, but next month it could become worse. Then what? Nothing wrong with planning ahead.

Regarding your Dad being verbally and physically abusive to you, has your Dad been tested for an urinary tract infection? Such an infection can cause such problems.

As for telling your Dad about your neighbors past history, I wouldn't tell Dad anything. With dementia your Dad's mind may start to believe in things that aren't happening, with him calling 911, etc.
I hope you have more than a POA, because he could be conned into making a new one naming the neighbors in a heartbeat and there's nothing that says you'd have to be notified.

That said, your father is not capable of living on his own. I most certainly would tell him the neighbors' history -- after you get him the hell out of there. As he has dementia, telling him while he's next to them isn't a good idea because he may blab to them what you said, or it won't matter that you told him because he'll forget you told him.

Bottom line -- he is not capable of living on his own. He'd actually do very well in a memory care facility where mental stimulation is the primary focus. He'd make friends with a lot of people, and would likely do better than he is now.
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They sound nice..... /sarc

Could dad get out of his side of the property completely on his own if there was a fire?
Can dad totally on his own lock all his doors and windows and open them as well?
Can dad use the phone and call 911 or 311 or the fire Dept totally on his own and be able to give his address and stay on the line?
If not, he needs to be someplace with 24/7 oversight. it’s for his own safety & security.

Your dad is renting, right? Is his landlord aware of his blindness? Usually renting to the blind is something most won’t want to do, due to liability issues as most apts are not handicapped compliant but his landlord sounds like he ok with renting to folks that others would not ever rent to. Is the neighborhood real real sketchy?

On telling him that the neighbor is a sex offender. There is a required Notification by mail on these & done by the Sheriffs department. The notification will have a photo and details on the type of conviction and date of offenses. It’s not a secret, you should tell tell your dad imo. Personally I’d call the Sheriffs Dept to get them to email it to you so you have it &make sure that the address is clearly not your dads. Duplex’s often share the # but followed by an “A” or .5. You don’t want dad associated by a shared address.

You are fortunate that you already have guardianship on him. That should thwart them from trying to get control over his Social Security as you should be getting it as his representative payee and there's a court order on this. That is what is happening, right?
If you are new to guardianships, find out exactly what the required reporting is to the court and what the forms are. It could be that you as guardian have to report $ spent on caregivers or aides or in home health worker. $ he pays the neighbors may need to be documented & reported. I bet that if you tell them you are going to need them to submit a receipt of $ received by them with name and address & SS#, and that’s it’s going to be filed in court, they will stop doing things.

If her gran has moved in with them, that may be a lucky break for dad. They will have her Grans SS $ to use so not as needy to grift off him.
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Your father is not safe living alone with dementia & visual impairment, nor does it sound safe to be surrounded by neighbors such as he has.

He is not safe living alone for a variety of reasons, not just b/c his neighbors are convicted felons & sex offenders. Your father will benefit from the social interaction he gets in a Memory Care Assisted Living, plus he'll be safe from con artists and he will get help with all of his daily needs, plus 3 hot meals a day & 3 snacks. If he's aggressive and physically abusive due to his dementia, he'll need to be seen by his doctor and get medication to control that behavior before you place him, however. The goal of Assisted Living is for all of the residents to feel safe and happy.

Good luck!
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I think that an 85 year old who is visually impaired and has dementia is probably no longer safe living on their own no matter who their neighbours are.
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