Hi, yes I would tell her but as someone said already, in the presence of her Dr or ask him/her to tell her. However, even when my Dad (who has Vascular Dementia) was told that my mum has Alzheimer’s, he refuses to believe her or his diagnosis. Good luck.
My mother makes fun of the "old ladies" at the Sr Center she attends--and she is most definitely one of them. She has enough cognitive function to realize that "other people" look old and frail, but does not see it in herself. Sometimes I will gently remind her we all need to "look in the mirror" so to speak.
She's harshest about those who look/act the most like her. She's always been quite critical, and age has just made that quality a little more intense.
My aunt is in a similar way. She lives in an AL facility and frequently tells me how bad everyone else's dementia is. She is fairly clear-headed about a lot of things, but has a hard time with names, days and time. She is also very bad about becoming paranoid, hiding things and then forgetting where she hid it, then blaming others for stealing. This happens daily.
I would tell her, but do it in the presence of the doctor who diagnosed her. If she thinks Alzheimer’s is laughable, chances are she won’t believe you and she will think you’re only doing it to be mean.
Yes, she should be given the time to get her life in order. POAs while she can make informed decisions. Prepaying her funeral so she can have it the way she wants. Having her will in place if only to list who gets what. Yes, it going to be devastating but she needs to know what will happen and not be scared.
If your mom is still lucid and rational, yes, you should tell her. I understand not telling her is a way to protect her and a way to avoid the situation altogether which is very tempting but informing her about her health is a way to show respect, provide her with the dignity she deserves, and it will allow her to participate in her own healthcare which is a right we all should have.
She's harshest about those who look/act the most like her. She's always been quite critical, and age has just made that quality a little more intense.