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So Mum woke up today around lunch time feeling light headed/dizzy and her vocabulary is mixed up. It’s like she knows what she wants to say but words are random. I can make out what she’s saying but she’s not using the correct words for half her sentence.
I suspect she may had had a TIA.


She got a bit better and was spending time out on the balcony enjoying the fresh air.
Mum did not want to go to hospital but later tonight I convinced her to visit the doctors.
Of course the doctor referred her to hospital ask suspecting TIA. Said to take her in now. She doesn’t know Mums history as it’s not her regular doctor but ran some simple tasks. Blood pressure was good. Anyhow, Mum is still not wanting to go...
Last time we were at the hospital she cried to go home and eventually after 5 days she was released. There was some trouble as I am not POA, and one of the doctors said she might not be allowed to come home with me anymore!! This scared the living crap out of my mum and I had to then comfort her for several hours past visiting hours. The head doctor then re-assured us that she could return home with me BUT she also said for me to consider next time if to bring her in if Mum does not want to be there!


So fast forward to now, what do I do?!? Do I take Mum in when she doesn’t want to go and after the doc at the same hospital told me to consider mums wishes OR do I take Mum home and monitor?
I'm still not her POA as Mum has insisted she’s fine every time we have approached the topic.

What do you mean by a "slow intro to respite on my work days", is this a day care at the facility she would eventually transition to? I think that is an excellent option!
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Cappuccino42 Dec 4, 2021
Yes, some offer it.
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Does mom have this reaction with all hospitals? My dad actually loathes the one in my hometown but does not mind being tested out or treated at a neighboring one although I have to drive him because the ambulance will not transport him. That one is an hour away.

If she is that way with all hospitals, you may need to have a conversation with her about hospice as others have suggested. I've seen on here where some say their loved ones don't do medical visits at all (loved one wishes). That latter part I would not be okay with. If they didn't want to do medical visits at all, then I would have to insist on hospice to have some guidance with caring for my loved one.

Let us know what mom decides.
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Actually, IV antibiotics are better than taking the pills. Saying that, I too would have taken Mom home. Thanks for update.
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Cappuccino; did you request that mom (and you) be brought food and water?

Usually if you request, they will provide. Or (forwarned and forearmed) I generally bring my own supplies. Or call a friend or relative to bring.
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Cappuccino42 Dec 3, 2021
Yes I did 3 times, the answer was always ‘I’ll ask doctor’ then there’d be a nurse change. Couldn’t leave her side nor do I have anyone I could call upon. Sad reality I’ve lost touch with friends looking after Mum and my closest best friends live interstate. Oh well. Next time I’ll bring my own,...
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I am glad to hear it wasn't a stroke.

I agree with Barb. I would check into hospice.

They do treat UTIs, so she wouldn't have to suffer that way. Many people actually do better because of the additional support and interactions.

Hope mom feels better soon.
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Cappuccino42 Dec 4, 2021
She is actually doing extremely better at the moment. She has been communicating well and recalled certain info by own initiative. I then trialled this to see what else she remembers and she’s accurately recalling stuff/events from 2 years ago etc. She remembers nothing of the hospital visit though! Apart from knows that she was there after I told her!
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Cappuccino; I think that it is very much time for you to consider putting mom on Hospice to avoid this kind if upsetting trio to the ER.

With Hospice, you would have an RN on call 24/7 who could have someone come out and assess mom for a UTI and treat it.
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Cappuccino42 Dec 3, 2021
We are going to start slow intro to respite on my work days and think that will be a good transition. She is on a waitlist to go into aged care mid next year but the staff made a good point that considering how she reacts in hospital and how attached she is to me, it would be better to slowly introduce aged care to her rather than one day just move her. The whole transitioning had not even occurred to me as a healthy adult and that I need to look at it possibly the same way as a kid going to school for the first time and not like a normal move day. But I must actually agree and say,.. being in the emergency department is very much a marathon of endurance for an elderly as it was even that for me. I’d been up for 36h straight sitting on a stool next to her and I was starting to have the same feelings where it was all too much 😂 so if I compare my own “fatigue” state, I can kind of compare that to an elderly brain. I have chronic back pain from an injury so I said to my mum,.. next time I’m bringing a yoga mat for myself so I can go into childpose!
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UPDATE: I did take Mum to hospital and we were there for over 24h. Mum agreed to go ‘check out that it was not a stroke’. They cleared her of stroke or TIA and ran a multitude of other tests. They would have wanted to place her in the ward to monitor but Mum wanted home. I supported Mum in this since I know she never wanted to go in the first place. I asked what they would mainly be monitoring Mum for since the scans etc were clear and it was to treat UTI and in general to observe her dementia. I said in that case, Mum is better off home because she can take antobiotics at home and this will only add to her agitation. Mum was again starting to cry and get worked up about being there. So we are home now.
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My mom created her durable PoA from documents downloaded at Legalzoom.com. Not sure you can do this in your country. I only recommend this if there is no chance that a sibling or other family member would contest the PoA. Here in the U.S., Legalzoom customizes the PoA based on what state you reside in, what type of PoA (springing or durable) and what authority the assignee wishes to grant. Then it is up to you to have it legally finalized (signed in front of a notary, with 2 non-family witnesses where I live). It is convenient and inexpensive. If this is an option for where you live, please consider it asap.
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KPWCSC Dec 11, 2021
While Legalzoom may be the most inexpensive way for a healthcare PoA, if an eldercare attorney is an affordable option at all it would be a better choice. I recently had our documents reviewed and was told some of the laws had recently changed in our state and our current documents did not reflect those changes. We were also told we did not have to update our documents but with the new law changes there were loop holes in our original documents and some of our wishes may not be guaranteed with the wording that was used. A qualified eldercare attorney should interview and assure the wording reflects your personal wishes. Sometimes even we don't understand the choices and an attorney can explain what the choices we make actually mean.

A good example is my husband has had a feeding tube for 5 years but we now only use it for one meal and he eats two modified meals by mouth daily. A friend whose husband was in a similar situation went to ER because his tube had come out (they sometimes have to be replaced). The ER doctor refused to put a new one in based on the wishes he had stated! My husband's wishes are not to use a feeding tube in an end of life situation but his healthcare POA allows me to over ride it if I have a good reason... so I could prevent a doctor from ever refusing to replace his tube if he is not near death. Be sure everyone understands their rights when you have documents created.
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What happened after the last time, has she seen a specialist at all?

The fact she is still mixing her words makes me suspect a small stroke rather than a TIA, but I'm sure you already know that TIA's are warning signs that a stroke may be imminent - does she have a regular doctor you can go to instead?
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Cashew Nov 30, 2021
TIAs are small strokes. They are cumulative, as well. My Mom has only had TIA's per the doctors and hospitals. she is half blind due to them, has balance issues, and mixed up speech. And now of course vascular dementia...but they say she's never had a "proper" stroke.
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Strokes can be treated if the timing is short. Ever hear the statement "time is brain"? Don't treat, then a stroke can become a permanent thing. You will most likely not be able to take her home. If they can treat, then she will be able to come home
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Cappuccino;

If your mom has dementia, is she really the best judge of whether or not she should go to the hospital?

What outcome are you looking for with an ER visit? Confirmation that mom had another TIA?

Would it be a good thing if a three day hospital stay qualified her for a three week or so stint in rehab, or would mom also be miserable in rehab?

At some point, with my mom, we determined that going to the ER/hospital was doing her more harm than good; no additional diagnoses or treatments were useful and the confusion and med mistakes were very harmful.

Is it time to consider Hospice if mom doesn't want treatment of her issues?

As to POA, it may be well past the time that she can sign one.

Has she at least signed a HIPAA form so that you can speak to the doctors, and speak FOR her if she is incapacitated? EVERYONE over 55 should have HIPAA, Healthcare proxy and Financial POA. EVERYONE--even those of us who are "fine".

Read a little book called "Five at 55".
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Cappuccino42 Dec 1, 2021
So we ended up at the hospital with Mum, she agreed to check if there was any risk of heart attack. But what you mention is exactly why I took Mum home as soon as they’d cleared her off any major concerns ie stroke. Because she gets extremely anxious, agitated and upset in a hospital environment which will cause more harm than good. They didn’t give her a drink of fluids for the 24h we were there either so you can imagine why Mum was becoming irritable.

It’s not that Mum doesn’t want treatment but she does not want to be in hospital. And I don’t blame her because the few times have all been like a marathon. It requires endurance. So she has associated a negative feeling against it. It’s the whole various tests, no sleep, all the noise, no food or drink, different people, waiting waiting etc etc. I get it,.. it’s an ER, they are busy! But for someone with dementia,.. it’s too much. It would be different if she went straight to a ward and they ran all the tests at once but we all know this is not possible. Having said that,.. even with that she’d want to go home if nothing was wrong.
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