The hard part is over.
I'm matching you with one of our specialists who will be calling you in the next few minutes.
I FOUND IT DISTRESSING AND INITIALLY TRIED TO MAKE SURE HE KNEW THAT I WAS . UNTIL I REALIZED THAT IT WAS BETTER TO HAVE HIM FEEL THAT THIS WOMAN TAKING CARE OF HIM MADE SURE HE WAS COMFORTABLE AND AT PEACE THAN CREATING TENSION BY TRYING TO MAKE SURE HE KNEW EXACTLY WHO I WAS. A CERTAIN PICTURE WE HAD TAKEN TOGETHER HELPED ALOT SO I HUNG IT BY THE BED WHICH WAS BETTER THAN TELLING HIM REPEATEDLY AND CREATING TENSION.
IT GOT WORSE WHEN HE DECIDED I WAS HIS SISTER AND CALLED ME BY HER NAME CONSTANTLY - ( SHE AND I DID NOT CARE MUCH FOR ONE ANOTHER) BUT EVEN THEN I LEARNED TO KEEP MY FEELINGS IN CHECK SINCE HE COULD NOT HELP NOT KNOWING WHO I WAS. AT LEAST I HOPE HE FELT I WAS A KIND PERSON WHO CONCERNED THEMSELVES WITH HIS COMFORT.
Of course I wish he could have realized that it was me taking care of him and that he was at home but no one asked me or gave either of us a choice when his disease progressed we just had to learn to live with it.
He did have a couple of lucid afternoons and the day he died he knew it was me for a couple hours and told me how much he loved me.
I cannot imagine not knowing where you are where your wife is and why is some stranger taking care of you. It is heartbreaking.
IF, on the other hand, it seems to bother her, then ask her what she would prefer to be called and go with that! You can always, in your mind or under your breath, still call her mom! You know the difference!
I'd also back up sjplegacy's concern about the wandering attempts. If not a keyed lock, then a sliding bolt lock, up too high for her to reach, could help keep the door locked. But, as he noted, sometimes they can really get their mind set on something and find another way out, like the windows (or breaking a slider.) During certain deeper sleep stages, you might not hear her get up and roam - perhaps having some kind of alarm or motion sensor at her BR door, that can trigger when she leaves her room might help?
Bless you for taking on this difficult role!
What concerns me more is that you stated in your profile that she leaves the house in the middle of the night. That is a significant problem. Purchase some kind of deterrent to getting out. You might try to place a large rug in front of the doors. Some dementia patients recognize this as a hole and won't step over it. You could replace the door locks with double keyed locks that require a key to open from the inside. As for me, nothing prevented my wife from leaving the house including going out the window! That's when I started looking for a care facility for her.