Hello, my last post was what to do after the funeral. There were excellent answers and I have utilized several suggestions. However, several senior assisted living homes require a slightly higher income than what I currently bring in from my SS benefits. I requested to be mailed information about these properties anyway. My question is: should I begin getting rid of things and storing items I don't use much? I'm so afraid when my mother does pass I will have to concern myself with her burial while worrying about vacating the apartment we now live in. If my SS is not enough I will have to find a part time job. By the way, does anyone know of any agencies that match elders together for roommates? This is another option I have been pondering. My relative said I could move in with him but he already has his ex girlfriend and daughter and 2 kids living there. I'm just so worried. I can't afford to break the lease here as I don't have 2,000.00 laying around. I've prayed about this so much that I think God has stopped listening. Some well meaning people have told me to get remarried. What a joke. First there has to be a person of interest and there is no one. Finally to summerize, should I begin putting things in storage, break the lease without paying the impossible fee and should I live with a relative whose house is already filled with people I don't know? And lastly if anyone knows of a roommate match, can you please give me details? My mother is 94 and looks like she's going to out live me. But I need some plan when this day arrives. Thank you for listening to my tale of woe.
I need to go through things and get rid of a lot of stuff too, and I thought that, for some things you are unsure about, paying for a small rental unit for a few months might be a good option. That way, you could make some decisions later.
First, I would put my name in for a Senior apt. There are some HUDD apts that charge 30% of ur income. There are low income apts. You can get help with electric. Go to a Tracfone where u pay as u need minutes.
See if you qualify for Medicaid as a secondary insurance to Medicare. You will get dental, vision prescriptions.
Yes, start downsizing now. There are great Facebook on line yardsales to sell ur stuff.
If an apartment comes along, you may consider putting Mom in LTC. Yes her SS will go towards her care. She will have everything she needs. She will get a personal needs acct ($50 a month where I live) that you can use for her personal needs.
There comes a time when we can no longer care for a parent. Stress effects ur health.
And clearly, you're overwhelmed by the options, and I suspect by the frustrations of the options as well as feeling that you have to make a choice.
But do that, take the pressure off yourself, and make a decision only after you've thought about it enough that you feel comfortable going forward, little by little, working out your short and long term plans but implementing just a small phase at one time.
When I've been on emotional or decision overload, or under pressure to get something done, I've found that I don't make well thought out decisions, but respond b/c I'm forced to. And later, I realize that I could have made a better decision.
And that can happen if you hire a removal service; they're on schedules, they move quickly, and sometimes take things that you wish you had kept.
So, right now, develop your plans but don't take action until you feel very comfortable in what you're doing.
I would agree with others that that plan includes downsizing, but only as you feel comfortable doing so. If you force yourself into doing that before you're ready, you'll regret it, and wish you'd thought about it more.
It can be "catching", though, as you eliminate things that haven't been used or won't be in the future. And another aspect of downsizing is if you find legitimate charities to donate items. So you're really recycling, and that's much better than just throwing things out.
Very good feelings can arise from knowing that you're sharing items with people or animals in need of assistance.
Make a project of it though; set aside specific times, put on favorite music, take coffee, tea or cider breaks, and definitely stop when you begin to wonder about whether you're doing the right thing, at the right time. Don't push yourself. (This is the advice I should have given myself.)
I've done both: on the spot discarding, and longer term planning, and the former is often more emotional, and also very costly. One of the 800 junksters can cost around $600 for an open top trailer about 10' long by 6' high. Move into larger dumpsters, and your costs soar.
I've also stored items, and still have some to go through for disposition. But they're no longer emotional issues, and I can do it more comfortably.
So, for today, relax and enjoy the Autumn weather, daydream or go for a walk, and think about your plans when you're relaxed enough to be very calm and rested. Your mind will thank you for that!
And, definitely do NOT break the lease; it'll cost you your deposit, you'll have to find someplace else, and the stress will accumulate more rapidly than you can imagine.
I am currently downsizing myself. Got rid of 75% of "stuff" in the basement, used one of those trash hauling sites. Every trash day I try to find one item to toss out [not donation worthy].
As for matching senior roommates, check with your local county agency on aging to see if they have such a program.
There is something to be said for planning ahead, but there is a fine line between planning ahead and borrowing trouble. You say Mum look slike she will outlive you. What has triggered this increased anxiety around Mum dying? Do you have a mental health professional who can help you to sort through your feelings and prioritize what needs to be done now, and what can wait?
If it's things you NEED, obviously, that's a keep. If it's 20 boxes of books--probably a 'give away'.
You do seem to have the benefit of time, which is a blessing. I am sick to my stomach just thinking about my own mother's hoard, to which she adds on a daily basis, Just garbage. 90% of what she has could be tossed and nobody but her would care. I WISH she had the forethought to go through her stuff, but other than slap tiny stickers on some of her valuable stuff, she has done nothing towards helping us out with the mess.
DO NOT move into the home with the circus folk. You'll regret that!! Try to do your best to find single accomodations, if you can.
God hears your prayers, Maybe you're not acting on what He is directing you to do. I only know that "god's time" is a LONG time, almost always.
Move slowly and thoughtfully and make smart decisions about what to keep and what to get rid of. You will feel a weight lift from you!
I think we all have WAAAAAY too much junk, personally.