My wife's grandmother lives in a nursing home, and we visit about 4-5 days a week. Her immediate family is far away and hasn't visited in about 2 years. Should I send them a video of her? - AgingCare.com

My wife's grandmother lives in a nursing home, and we visit about 4-5 days a week. Her immediate family is far away and hasn't visited in about 2 years. Should I send them a video of her?

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My wife's 92year old grandmother is in a nursing home near our house. Granny's immediate family are far away (4 hrs, 3 hrs, and Asia) Naturally, they can't visit that often. My wife and our family visit her about 4-5 days a week to make sure that she gets the extra care that she needs; like somebody to talk to, getting sunshine, washing clothes, etc....

I'm afraid of "out of site, out of mind" to the family. They haven't forgotten about her, I'm just afraid that it's uncomfortable for them to see her in this condition, so they don't see her. So, we bear the "burden" of being her guardians, practically alone. Her sibling's family hasn't visited in over 2 yrs; although they ask about her all the time.
Sometimes when we visit, I dial them on the cell phone so they can talk to Granny for themselves. Most of the time, Granny doesn't know who she's talking to. I've thought about bringing my video recorder and sending them a video of her. Am I being too pushy? Or do you think they'd want to see the video?
Thanks,
SlimJim

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Slimjim you arent pushy , you are too good. I say, if they wanted to see her, they should get their tails there to do that.! Wow, you are good, I say to heck with them unless they asked and in good faith just couldnt get there. Bless you for wanting to be so nice.
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I don't see why you shouldn't send them a video. I'd also make sure she says 'hello' to particular family members by name. You know 'Hello, Sally how are you?" I would make it a personal greeting from grandma (if she can) see what happens. Who knows? maybe that will break the ice enough for someone to come visit. I wouldn't hold my breath, but you never know.....
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Hi Slim! You have my utmost respect, too! You're a very thoughtful person! Just a suggestion...the next time that you call the relatives, just ask them if they'd like for you to send them photos or a video of her. That way you're not pushing it on them, but letting them vocalize their decision. If they want it, then it's sweet of you to make & send it to them! If they decline, then you know where you stand there, as well! I hope it turns out in a positive way for all of you!
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I was sharing my own experience. It was just a suggestion from a different angle.
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I agree with sending photo or video if they are calling and sending letters or cards. When I answered above, their situation didn't appear that was the case.
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My grandmother lived in another state from where we live. At the time she became ill and went into a nursing home, I had no money to make a trip. I didn't visit because I couldn't. Receiving a photo or video would have been a treasure.
You and your wife are showing so much love and kindness to granny. I can appreciate that I you feel burdened. If it makes you feel good to send a photo or video, why shouldn't you? It sounds like one more act of kindness from two people who love granny.
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Please take this with my kindest intentions to you. Some times, hard thing need to said. I say no. They have made their choice. A video may cause resentment on their part because you are forcing something on them they have clearly shown they have no interest in. In the kindest way, let me ask you a hard question. What is your underlying motivation? They already know you are carrying the responsibility of Grandma, and spending a lot of time with her and Grandma is unawareof them. Looking for thanks or positive reinforcement for your loving actions isn't needed. You know you're doing the right thing even though it's very dificult. Wouldn't a thanks be hollow anyway? I'm sure you've lost all respect for them so why would anything they say or do now matter? You don't know me, but I have great respect for you both. You're teaching others around you, children if you have them, and family friends love and loyalty. That's really something!
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