Should I relocate my aging mother to my state?

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I am 32 years old living in Florida with no brothers or sisters and travel several times a year for work. My father is deceased and my 75 year old mother lives at home alone in P.R. She grew up in P.R. and her family lives a couple of hours away, relatives visit her here and there on holidays etc. She cant really drive around the island to see them. She suffers from an unknown bronchial/respiratory condition; Out of nowhere her body becomes sore, feverish and she cant stop coughing while bleeding from her mouth. She has coughed blood from an earlier stage in her life but i believe that now its more serious. Just a couple of months ago a next door neighbor did not hear from her for a couple of days and found her so sick and feverish she was almost unable to move. He rushed her to the hospital and she was hospitalized for about a week and a half. He told me I have to do something. Should I sell the house in Puerto Rico and move her into my house in Florida? I have a roommate now and its really the only way I can afford my mortgage.

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You are most welcome, Charles. Sometimes distance helps for caregivers when we are trying to think things through. Friends and family are sometimes too close to the situation. Blessings, fellow caregiver.
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Thank you, thank you both for your honest feedback. Life is so weird. It seems better to take advice from strangers than the people who you know. Your comments are truly appreciated.
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You sure are between a rock and a hard place, Charles. No one but you knows whether to sell your mother's home, or not, but one thing is clear from your sharing, and that is that regardless of what you may do next, the time has come for you, or someone, to step in to decide the best housing arrangement for your chronically ill mother. I agree with Lilli that bleeding from any body orifice is not normal. If your mother was hospitalized, surely there is a diagnosis or record of treatment you can look to with your mother's prior consent. That is the place to start, I think. One way to do that is to let her know that you are concerned and wish to obtain her consent to speak to her doctor about her chronic illness because she may need more specialized care than she is getting if she wishes to improve the quality of her life. Let her know that given her symptoms and most recent incident, it is no longer safe for her to live alone. I sure can't tell you whether to sell the house, or not. I know I would sell the house given the circumstances you have shared, just to spare myself the headache of home maintenance so far away. If your mother is not in control of her symptoms, then she is in no shape to handle regular home upkeep. If you move her to Florida, be sure you have a plan first for respite care, or assistive living housing, or adult daycare. Otherwise, it will be tougher on you to work, travel on business and try to transition your mother to the next phase of her life. Your heart is in the right place. Your mother is fortunate to have a son who cares about her well-being and is willing to go to such lengths to support her. Be sure you know what her medical diagnosis is as well. Your situation is a real challenge. The great thing is that you are asking yourself questions before rushing right in. Either way, your Mom's symptoms sound pretty urgent, so you don't have the luxury of time. Whatever you do, don't try to go it alone. Seek medical input and assistive resources if you can for yourself and your dear mother. Take care of yourself and don't try to do everything all at once. Just take it one step at a time, ok? Blessings to you, Charles.
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Charles,

So sorry to hear of your mother's mysterious illness. Your question about moving her near you is a challenging one.

I am sure that you are worried about her health and safety. That was enough motivation for me to have my mom move near me awhile ago. Even though she had relatives in the area, they were older, too, or not interested in helping her. I could see that she was deteriorating fast.

I would highly recommend sending her to a specialist who can properly diagnose her condition. It is not normal to bleed from the mouth for any reason.

Do you have Power of Attorney for both her finances and especially for her medical care? These are important documents to have if she wants you to make decisions for her should she become incapacitated.

You said that you travel a lot for your work. If your mother can afford it, she should consider either senior apartments where she can live independently or assisted living centers that can offer some assistance. If you are considering moving her into your home, please be sure that you are prepared to become a full time caregiver. Read the other posts in this forum and decide if this is something you are willing to do.

Good luck and check back here for further advice.

Lilli
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