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You caring for your mother in your own home might not be the best thing for her. Risking your and your husband's financial future, by quitting your job, likely is not good for you and your husband. I hope you can make this decision logically and rationally.
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Reply to Rosered6
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What a caring and dedicated woman! I am a fellow caregiver to a parent, although my dad does not have dementia. With my husband preparing to retire and us not sure how we can make our plans for this stage of life happen while we are healthy, and still care for dad who has many complicated chronic health issues (some of which preclude having home help), I have a taste of your internal conflict of how to care for your mom while respecting your husbands life, while trying to have some semblance of a healthy existence yourself. You have already suffered “burnout” and returned to work. A courageous step! You don’t know for sure that your mom is getting worse because of your absence. It well may be the progression of things that has nothing to do with you! Have you worked with an Elder Care Attorney? I am not super knowledgeable about the intricacies, but I think there are ways to get Medicaide approved even when it doesn’t seem possible. My parents cared for my grandparents for decades, but finally did have to place my grandmother with dementia into a nursing home. My mom visited her every day, and made sure she received excellent attention. If your husband is getting burned out with caring (a huge an exhausting job!), then maybe it is time to press for this, where there would be a team of people to see to her needs, with you guys there frequently to ensure things are done well? I pray for a way to be made clear for you, and for courage and strength and wisdom for you and your husband!
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Reply to Hope21
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Beverly1976 Jan 4, 2026
Thank you. No he is not burnt out he is an exceptional man. His mother had dementia and he helped take care of her. He is against putting her in a home. I always promised my parents I would care for them no matter what and that’s what I will do. I mean if the roles were reversed I know without a doubt she would be doing the same for me. I appreciate all the advice.
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If Mom is so bad she’s on hospice why does she not qualify to go in a skilled nursing home on Medicaid ? Was there a look back penalty or spend down issue ?
Have you consulted with a Medicaid specialist , or eldercare lawyer ?
If she has assets use that to pay for her care in skilled nursing until she runs out and then she goes on Medicaid.
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Reply to waytomisery
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NO! You need to keeping building your contributions to Social Security so that you'll have enough credits and quarters to afford your own retirement. The more you contribute, the more you get when you're drawing benefits.

If she doesn't qualify financially for Medicaid, great! That means she has assets and can pay for her own memory care. Sell her house if she has one, cash in her savings accounts, and get the professional care that your mother needs and deserves.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Look into faith-based facilities. They are often smaller but well-run and less expensive. They see the care as a mission. My MIL was in one in LTC on Medicaid for 7 years and got excellent care. Honestly, if your Mom is falling a lot it is only a matter of time before she falls and has an injury that lands her in LTC.

Did you actually go through the Medicaid application process? Or are you assuming she won't qualify? If you did apply, on what grounds did she not qualify? Financially or medically, or both?

Please consider seeking an Elder Waiver through your county's social services. Or a QIT (Qualified Income Trust) to get her to qualify financially.

And also consider hiring some hourly help to give you or your husband a break.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Beverly1976 Jan 4, 2026
She does not qualify financially. Hospice has help where we can get a break. I only work 3 days a week but she is getting worse.
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He is wonderful with her. And hospice comes in 2 times a week. I cannot place her in home she does not qualify for Medicaid. And memory care is so expensive there’s no way.
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Reply to Beverly1976
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Beethoven13 Jan 4, 2026
Our hospice for my 94 year old dad provided 5 days respite care a month in a local nursing home. There are no designated hospice homes here but if you have one, choose that. The care is usually better than a nursing home. You can self pay for a couple extra days if you want to make it a full 7 day break. The hospice social worker handles all the details and handles the transport back and forth. I never used it but if things would have continued, I would have. My dad’s care was a lot and he was a large guy resistant to going to any NH. Look into that hospice benefit and give you and husband a break. Nursing home care varies, tour local facilities and request the best local option. Bed availability for respite at the NH depends on when you request hospice respite and how much work your loved one is. They will review the medical records hospice provides. Does she have behavioral issues, this is a negative. Hospice social worker handles the details. Don’t quit your job.
(6)
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Do not quit and do not leave this to your husband. Get her placed. She doesn’t need to be at home for this last part of her journey.
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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waytomisery Jan 4, 2026
I agree .
Most likely her mother won’t even know where she is soon , or maybe she already doesn’t know where she is .
(8)
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Yeah, this is very easy no.

Your mother needs to go into a NH.
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Reply to olddude
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What discussion have you had with your husband?
What has he said to you when you tell him what you told us?
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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