Should I move out of my mom's place?

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I am living with my elderly mom who is 88 and her aging is causing me anxiety, sadness and depression. I love her with all of my heart and she has done so much for me but I feel as though my life is falling apart from all of the stress. Should I move out to feel at peace ? Or would I feel guilt leaving her alone? I think she would miss having me around but my mental health is suffering. Thank you

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Hey September21,

Thanks for sharing, I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with your mother. Have you tried just sitting her down over tea and telling her how you feel. Tell her that you are scared of losing her and ask her what thinks. She will probably provide some much-need motherly support and comfort. The transition for her from caregiver to care recipient is probably a complicated one for her as well.

I agree that you do need time apart, maybe you could hire a part-time caregiver so that you could take on an outside volunteer opportunity or job.

Good luck,
Bill
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I agree with 195Austin
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I think that it is too stressful for you to do it full time if she is not eating or taking her meds you really can not make her do it she will just get angery usually unless she will allow you to assist her with there things but no one can be respomible 24/7 if you want to be her main caregiver you will need help-are there any siblings willing to assist you or can she afford paid aides but many will not assist with meds but would be able to fix meals but it is very hard to get someone to eat I did go out and stay with my Mom for two weeks to give my sister a break and found out if I cut up things is small pieces and put on a serving plate and let her take what she wanted she did eat more but some days she would only eat pudding but I told myself we would not get into a row about it. You need to have a social worker asses her to see where she is and if she can continue to care for herself with you assisting but not living there-you should not give up your life-get othere involved if there are siblings and they will not help personally maybe they can do something else-my brothers drive me out to Moms when I need to go or maybe they could pay for aides-DO NOT TAKE IT ON BY YOURSELF and do not promise to never put her in a nursing home if you have choose one nearby so you can visit often.
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I moved in with my mom than moved out again just to move back in. She started not eating,taking her meds. and wondering. So it was easier to be close than to have to worry about her or check on her all the time. But you have to have time off. You can't do it 24/7 or you will go crazy. I am almost there.
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You would benefit from respite care (either free or paid form). Do you have any family or friends that you can depend on to help your mom for even a couple of hours in the day? Sometimes churches offer these kind of services as well.

If it is something you really can't handle, then do what you must to be the best person you can be to yourself and to your mom. But it doesn't have to be a drastic move either, if you know where to get the help.

There are solutions. I think you would benefit from joining a caregiver support group as well if you don't have someone or some people who can relate to your experiences.

~Rose
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Can you move out? What happens to her then? My 85 year old mom lives with me and is beginning to have many short term memory problems...I'm beginning to wonder about my own sanity?
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Thank you and you are correct. If I move out I will still feel this anxiety when I visit her. I hope to find a counselor who can help me through this. I am not accepting her aging and I need to.
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I don't think so. Wherever you live, your mother will still be aging. It isn't where you live that is stressing you but how your mother is. You have to come to grips with that - not easy to do but you can do it! I found a counselor to be a big help in looking at this issue.
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I was very happy that I had other interest years before my husband passed so I now have activities that I have been involved with for a while start small and do one thing and you will meet people who are involved in other things and you will go from there you will find the people on this site so helpful and just staying involved may be the best for now-it was very hard for me to start going to my senior center without knowing anyone and was very quiet at first but am so glad that I reached out good luck to you and let us know how you are doing.
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Why have you never moved out and been in your own environment? I'd be depressed too if I had lived for X amount of years as an adult w/my parent and never felt the satisfaction of being on my own.
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