My mom is living at Brookdale independent Living in Ohio. She is 87, I am 60. 2.5 years ago myself and my husband moved to Florida for retirement. At that time, she was living in her own home and very independent. She had often talked about moving to an apartment, but when it came down to it, we never made the commitment. After we moved, we noticed she was losing weight, and not maintaining her home, and her memory was really bad. We realized she needed to move out of the house and into independent living near where she lived. The reason was her sister lives there. And her other sister lives in her own home a few miles away, and now my son rents the home she left. The sister that lives a few miles away and my mom have always been very close. And she had been pleading with me to not take her to Florida. Between that, and my mom having such a difficult time leaving her home, I thought it would be best she go to Brookdale.
She's been there now for going on a year.
Whenever I go to Ohio, it seems like I am extremely busy taking care of things for her, her bills, her phone or technology issues, paper work, etc.
Well, now I'm really frustrated because she lost her cell phone. When I was in Ohio, we bought her a new one, with the same number. Well, she can't seem how to figure out how to use it. And she keeps losing it. She has a cordless phone also, but it quit working, and I could not get it working. So, I just ordered a new one to send to my sons house so he can see if a new one will work.
My husband feels that its not fair to my son to be expecting him to help out like this. My son is an over the road truck driver, and has other responsibilities. I agree, but I don't know what else to do.
I have looked at several places down here to move her to. We've ate dinner at some, and took my mom on tours of them, before Covid hit.
So, I am really torn about what to do. If I bring her to Florida I am afraid of causing emotional harm to both her and the sister that also lives in the same facility. And having to move to an area and facility that she is not familiar with. She said if she moved to Florida she would give up her car. But she probably won't remember she said that. I have not taken her car away from her. I don't think she wants to admit out loud she shouldn't drive, but deep down she knows it, and only drives to places within a mile and I feel ok with that for now. I would love to have her here, and spend her last years together. And do some of the really fun things together here in Florida. But, I can just hear my Aunt being so upset about it.
But, if I leave her there, I have to unfairly count on my overworked son to also fill in the void, and not have reliable communication, and not know what's going on.
I think I just talked myself into bringing her to Florida. That's what I really want to do. I'm just scared it's not the right thing for Her. That she would be better off in a familiar location with her sisters.
What should I do?