My Mother is in an ALF with dementia. I live 6 hrs away and siblings who live nearby do nothing. Should I move her near me?

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Everyone in the extended family live near my mother. Nobody visits at all. I pay someone to take her out weekly for lunch. I am saddened she is not visited and tired of doing everything long distance. I do everything, the financials, medical, and will be emptying and selling her house next year. After a recent er visit, and no siblings could meet her at the hospital, my frustration level peaked. I'd like to move her near me but don't know how to even bring up the subject. Or do I just DO IT? Any input is appreciated.

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Janet it sounds as if you're sad about it but you have come to the right conclusion. I especially like the last thought, that you can always change your mind! - but your reasoning seems very well-founded to me: humane to your mother, who would find the disruption hard going for uncertain benefit, and practical from a logistics point of view. It's a great pity that there isn't a bit more of your backbone to go round the local family members, but their visits would be only nice-to-haves rather than must-haves. Keeping her safe and settled where she is is the unselfish thing to do, I'm sure. Please do keep in touch, and enjoy your vacation :)
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Janet, I'm glad you've found some answers for yourself. Let us know how you're doing! We care!
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Thank you all for your input. It has been very helpful.
Just to update you, after Christmas, I decided it would be best for me to keep Mom where she is.
We brought her to her home for a huge family dinner and I watched her lack of interaction with almost everyone. I also observed how the extended family acted. I honestly think they are scared of an old person. The granddaughters who picked her up and took her back to AL broke down in tears after both trips. I think some people just can't handle this stuff.
I am in the process of selling her house and am finding the same lack of help in cleaning out the house. Memories, pain, ok I can do it and I get it, it's not for everybody.
Back to her living place, I realized that if I moved her near me, I would have NO ONE to assist if I go on vacation or anything else. (And I am planning a 2 week vacation) At least where she is now I have a network of people I can beg- or pay, to step in when I can't.
Who knows maybe I'll reconsider down the road. I'll be in touch.
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Janet, it sounds to me like it would be good all around to have mom closer to you. You are doing all the work already so i see it being easier for you having her close by not harder. My one suggestion to you would be to make sure she is placed in an AL that can care for her through the last stages. That way you will not have to move her again in the future. Having her close would most likley ease some of your stress, you can pop in often and not have to do all the extra traveling. Mom needs to be where she will get most attention and from what you have said that sounds like its close to you. Do wish you both the best. Hugs Ruth Anne
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Robimar: Agreed! I can hold my head high for my caregiving job! Not sure about my siblng. He went home when Mom was on her death bed even though I asked him to stay.
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Janet; I'd vote for moving her close to you. As our parents age, I think it's key for SOMEONE to be able to get to the hospital in an emergency situation quickly to give information and consent. Of course, you may need to set boundaries with her if she's going to assume that you will "do" for her since you're nearby, but that may not be of concern here.

I'd look for a continuing care facility, one that has Memory Care and NH on campus so that you don't have to look for another facility in the future when her needs change.

It's a shame that your siblings are in such poor health that they can't visit or help out.
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That's right Robimar. You have to do what is right in your heart and not let nay sayers drag you down.
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Llamalover47..Thankless job too..however there are those of us who do what we feel is right and best for our family members with closed eyes and ears to those who do nothing and can only criticize. In my heart I know I am doing my best..and I am my own best judge..Happy Holidays!
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Just remember if you do move MOTHER close to you, that CAREGIVING IS A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY!
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If the other family is not involved, why would you expect them to start? Do everything you need to get the appropriate care and document every day and every expense as if you will be held accountable. Even if the relatives interject themselves at some later date, you can remind yourself of the facts at the time. Caregivers tend to take action on the spot - take responsibility. Don't sell yourself short. YOU are taking responsibility. Good luck.
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