Hi everyone! I have tried reading so many questions others have posted to figure things out, but I see others get excellent advice from the community based on their specific situations...
So my uncle asked me last week to move in with him and my grandmother to take care of her because she has chronic leukemia (CLL) and appears to be declining. At this point, it appears my responsibilities would be shopping, picking up prescriptions, cooking, possibly cleaning, and keeping her company.
As for specifics, I am still trying to assess the situation. I highly doubt she has a POA/DPOA or a will of any kind. She does have Medicare (possibly Medicaid?). I have been with her to the doctor, and her doctor expressed desire for me to be more involved in her healthcare when able. She was diagnosed with CLL back in 2008 and also has generalized anxiety disorder, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and hearing loss. I believe she has more than that, but I hope to know more soon. She can perform her ADLs without assistance. Her decline has thus far been increased fatigue and muscle weakness to the point she cannot stand in the kitchen long enough to cook a meal. I do not believe she has had any falls and has a walk-in shower.
However, my uncle has significant medical issues as well, and he moved in with her about 10 years ago so she could take care of him. I believe taking care of him is why she has done so well. He made it clear that he is asking for her to have help, not him, but we obviously need to have more discussions as a family. I know that helping grandma also helps him. My aunt was helping my grandma and uncle until she had her heart attack a few months ago. She had pre-existing depression and fibromyalgia, so she cannot consistently get out of bed and obviously needs to take care of herself. My dad has his own issues and cannot take care of himself, let alone someone else. Both of my sisters are out of the state and have kids. I only have 3 cousins in the state, but one is hours away and the other two are visually impaired. I know I am not obligated to do this, but it does seem I am the best candidate by far.
I am 30 and work full-time as a therapist. My ability to maintain my sanity working as a full-time caregiver and coming home to care for someone else was my main concern. However, I regularly see a therapist (and will be sharing this new development with her asap), faithfully attend church, and have an emotional support system. I am grateful that I have no children and minimal interest in dating, though I would not let taking care of grandma prevent me from pursuing a relationship. I have been divorced for 5 years now and find myself happier being single. I also bought a house last year and hope to rent it out with the help of a property mgmt company.
I cannot see any good reason not to move in with her, and I do not believe I could be dissuaded. She is the most important person in my life other than my twin who lives several states away. I see grandma every Sunday after church, but it seems that she needs more than that. I would see her after work during the week, but I work in a big town in the total opposite direction. I drive over 500 miles for work each week as it is.
This feels like so much, but I'm sure there is much more information that could be useful for you to know. I would appreciate any tips on what information I should get from my family or other sources and on things I may not have considered.