Our mother is now in a facility. I have a brother who is an addict (part-time) and thinks he can keep her in mom and dad's house. Should we let him try?

Just for the record, there is no such thing as a part time addict- that's like saying that someone is slightly pregnant- you either are or your not! Addicts are charming, manipulative and unreliable. If mom is currently in a memory care unit there is a reason otherwise she would be in a less supervised environment. It's not easy to judge the care she actually needs vs the care that you think she needs. It's your call and you've spoken your concerns, so if you do allow this you and only you will be responsible for the outcome and personal responsibility that you will take on. Good luck and god bless.

Have you asked the doctor what stage she is? If she is where she needs to be for her own safety and best care, then why do you feel a need to rescue her and rescue her from what when as you say that you have too much going on in your life to care for her 24/7 which is not something a family member should take on? How is your sister making you feel guilty and why are you choosing to let her intimidate you for it does not sound like she is any help? What, if any, work does your brother do and what is he addicted to. I've not heard of a part time addict? It sounds to me like there's a lot of emotional blackmail being thrown at using using Fear, Obligation and Guilt. Set some reasonable boundaries, choose to not let them push your buttons and if you can't get a qualified therapist to help you with this. I wish you well. It sounds like you need to primarily take good care of yourself so that you don't end up really needing to be rescued.

What is a "part-time addict?" There is no such thing. Would you leave a child with an addict opposed to someone who is more capable and attentive. I had to put my dad in a nursing facility for his own safety. I am not an addict by no means and I couldn't even provide the care for my dad that he needed. My dad looks absolutely wonderful now and its all because he has 24/7 care by people who specialize in this field. Place your mom in the best of care and get your brother some help.

BONE:

If your addicted brother is unemployed, he's probably offering to take care of her to get drug money. If he uses drugs out of sheer boredom, caring after Mom might give his life a sense of purpose long enough to go straight; but I wouldn't take that risk no matter how tempting the path of least resistance is.

Have to give him some credit though. At least he pitches in a few days a week. Until he makes a decision to resume his life drug free and you and your sister work as a team, Mom is better off in that orphanage for the elderly that their children often don't want.

Here's a big hug from The Bronx, and I wish you the best my friend. Keep us posted.

-- ED

If your mother is safe and well cared for in the facility, I suggest you leave her there. If you take her out and put her in your brother's care, how will you know when he is "gone"? Alz can progress rapidly and in unsuspected ways. She will need 24/7 care. It doesn't sound like your brother can provide that. If he can't take care of her, what happens if she wanders away, turns on the stove, falls, etc.?

Do what is best for your mom, not your brother or sister.

No. You need to get a grip on your brother's condition. There is no such thing as a part-time addict. You are either an addict or an addict in recovery. His grandiosity in assuming he could care for her is a good indicator that he's not dealing in the reality of the situation. Under no circumstances should he be allowed to care for you mother in her home.
Joanne

Dear Sasebone,
The answer is NO. She is in a facility and obviously needs to be there. No one can do a 24/7 shift. Most in-home caregivers split the shifts, even with days off. If your sister makes you feel guilty, turn it back on her. She has no more excuse than you do regarding a life. The one thing I've found in having Dad in a facility (after keeping them at home with 24/7 care for 5 years) is that he is safe, has access to nursing and Doctor's care and I don't have to orchestrate it. Selfish, I know, but he is safe. That's good enough for me.

Think how hard it was to get her into care! Why go backwards?

Carecoach is correct. Placing your mother with Alz and her prescription medications into the care of an addict is a very bad idea.

My mom is also in a memory care facility and is probably one of the least demented people that lives there but she doesn't seem to realize that and is very happy because she can socialize with other people all day long and doesn't have to worry about anything. I wouldn't suggest taking your mom out.....I think that is probably the best place for her.....