Our mother is now in a facility. I have a brother who is an addict (part-time) and thinks he can keep her in mom and dad's house. Should we let him try?

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She is in a Memory Care unit where the residents there seem worse than she is. I'm not sure what stage of Alzheimer's she is in. My brother's history is that he is a trooper for about 3 or 4 days and then gone. I know I will end up rescueing my mom whom I love, but I have too much going on with my own life to care for her 24-7. My sister makes me feel guilty, but she and my brother are younger than me, years younger. My sister works and doesn't get home until bedtime. She goes to work around 11 a.m. so that excuses her involvement in daily routines. Help!

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Thanks all! If Medicaid comes through for mom we'll keep her there. We have been going on weekends, but went yesterday for a POC meeting and she looked great; seemed happy and was in such good spirits. We were told our mom is in level 3 not as good as we first thought mentally, but that could be because our dad was so ill at the time (passed March 6th) and we didn't pay enough attention to our mom's condition. His was life and death, her's was memory. He grounded her, but that is all gone now.

Dear group, you've kept me grounded through this and I so much appreciate you all.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart.

Sandy
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My broad experience with "caring facilities" is that any patients with sufficient understanding all cry out for the same thing, that is, "I want to go home". The trend in care is in that direction.
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I think that it's easy for your siblings to tell you what to do. But I also think that you have made a wise choice for your Mom. Maybe a different facility where the other patients are in a similar stage as your Mom would be a good compromise & help you to feel better about the situation (that is if such a place exists where you live). I would under no circumstances have your brother the addict be in charge for your Mom's well being.
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Think how hard it was to get her into care! Why go backwards?
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BONE:

If your addicted brother is unemployed, he's probably offering to take care of her to get drug money. If he uses drugs out of sheer boredom, caring after Mom might give his life a sense of purpose long enough to go straight; but I wouldn't take that risk no matter how tempting the path of least resistance is.

Have to give him some credit though. At least he pitches in a few days a week. Until he makes a decision to resume his life drug free and you and your sister work as a team, Mom is better off in that orphanage for the elderly that their children often don't want.

Here's a big hug from The Bronx, and I wish you the best my friend. Keep us posted.

-- ED
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What is a "part-time addict?" There is no such thing. Would you leave a child with an addict opposed to someone who is more capable and attentive. I had to put my dad in a nursing facility for his own safety. I am not an addict by no means and I couldn't even provide the care for my dad that he needed. My dad looks absolutely wonderful now and its all because he has 24/7 care by people who specialize in this field. Place your mom in the best of care and get your brother some help.
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NO! This would be a gravely mistake. Your brother cannot take care of himself as he is a (part-time) addict. Your mom needs 24/7 care something most people don't realize until they are in the situation. If you value your mom and her safety, continue to let her be cared for in a good care unit. You and your siblings can always visit as much as you want. God Bless
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No. If he can't be reliable 24/7 he is in no position to offer such help as she needs.
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Never depend on someone who is not dependable. Your mother is getting professional care now, why interrupt her life with someone who may or may not be there for her? Living where she is, with staff who will always be there for her, is in her best interest. Your brother can visit on the days he's not an addict if he needs to be with his mother. It would be terribly unfair for her to be home with him as a caretaker and then -poof- he's gone and she is helpless.
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Dear Sasebone,
The answer is NO. She is in a facility and obviously needs to be there. No one can do a 24/7 shift. Most in-home caregivers split the shifts, even with days off. If your sister makes you feel guilty, turn it back on her. She has no more excuse than you do regarding a life. The one thing I've found in having Dad in a facility (after keeping them at home with 24/7 care for 5 years) is that he is safe, has access to nursing and Doctor's care and I don't have to orchestrate it. Selfish, I know, but he is safe. That's good enough for me.
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